I have no clue what I am doing. I really am out of my mind.
My life gets dull sometimes. Doing the same things over again, watching the same shows, singing the same songs. Everything I do is like a routine. Even my weekend activities are predictable. And I have realized that I have so many things that I want to experience. I have too many fears that I need to conquer. I want to experience things that make sense, and some others that really don’t and just for fun.
After watching the movie “Bucket List”, I was inspired to do my own. I realized that I should never wait for the time when i wouldn’t be able to use my strength anymore. Or I get really sick and old.
Disclaimer: My list does not include charity works and the like. It’s mostly fun activities. Others are not very attainable but I don’t care.
1. Do a 10-meter high dive jump.
I am not a good swimmer. I can only do freestyle swimming and I’ve never done a good breaststroke swimming. I tried once for an exam and it made me look like a drunk dude swimming frog-style, no coordination at all. And I have given up on that. But I am always fascinated by heights. I have done and stuff. I like water slides too but i have never done a high dive jump. I do not know how to dive but I certainly want to try that out. Jumping and diving is not the problem here, the problem is my fear of drowning when i hit the water. It looks scary and fun at the same time. But i guess I have to conquer my fear of drowning.
2. Sky Dive
Like the birds in the sky, I want to fly too. I want to experience how to glide in the air. So many times i have dreamed about flying and seeing the world up there and it looked beautiful. I want to experience fresh air on my face and the feeling of clouds hitting my skin that riding a place could not provide.
Sky Diving is the closest i could get to flying and even if I need to gather all the courage i need, i will and it will be worth it.
3. Learn Mix Martial Arts
I am enticed by martial artists and i want to be one of them. But i am not healthy enough to try it. Small movements and i get dizzy. Not afraid to get hurt but I cannot do big movements else I will collapse.
Not that i am a violent person but i want to learn MMA for self-defense as well. i have encountered crazy people and the world can be scary for weak people. That’s why i want to learn MMA too. To defend myself and to show off (a little) and be like, “You didn’t expect that, did you?!”. I am considering learning but I need to improve my health first. Then will decide from there.
4. Sing live on the stage
I have social anxiety but I would lie if i have never fantasized singing live on stage. I can sing but it’s really bad. I am not even comfortable singing in the bathroom. I am too scared that people will hear me and make fun of me.
I hate being on the spotlight too but it will be cool if I get to try it once before I get old. I don’t even like people staring at me cause i feel like they will criticize every part of me but i am curious of how it would feel if people actually see you as a fun and entertaining person.
Confidence is the key here.
5. Ice Skate and Ski
I have never tried ice skating. And it’s been many times that I wanted to go but i don’t want to go alone. Although there skating rinks at malls, that’s not really where I want to skate. I want to skate on real, mother nature ice. I want to go to a place where it snows, build a snowman, skate even if i fall hard and do skiing. I like cold temperature. It would be nice to play and lay on ice and be a kid.
6. Pet big cats.
I am a dog person but I like cats too. Big cats. I want to pet tigers and lions and cheetahs. I want to become a big cats whisperer. I want to tame them. I want to go to africa where you can meet them face to face. I saw this video where a tourist met a cheetah face to face and I got jealous. I want that kind of encounter too. They may look fierce and scary to other people but whenever i see them, i just want to pet them and cuddle with them. I don’t want to get devoured though! but if shit happens and i get eaten, i’ll still be happy. meat for big cats. lol
7. Camp in the wild.
Never went camping. The only camping I know is camping inside the blanket. I never experienced outdoor activities when i was a kid. it was always the amusement parks and i don’t even like amusement parks.
I want to go on a real camping. Build a tent, light fire, and survive in the wild. I want to hunt my own food and cook them on bonfire. i will do s’mores too. I want a day away from modern technology, noise, pollution and people. I want to try living where you have to work for everything. I am so used to instant products and I need a change.
8. Live for a week as the modern Eve.
This sounds crazy but I want to live as the modern Eve. Of course this will be on a remote area. I want to try living where I do not have to worry about how i look, about what to wear. Eve wore leaves and so will I.
I want to be close to nature too. Live with animals and plants. Eat healthy food, bathe from rivers, sleep on the ground, shower in the rain. All the things that you wouldn’t experience in the busy city.
I want to relive the simplest lifestyle where you don’t have much to worry about.
9. See northern lights.
It is one of the most majestic things I have ever seen on the internet. Northern Lights (Aurora lights) show up on icy places and of course there’s not way they will be visible here in the Philippines. I am fascinated by lights. They form shapes which is amazing. And the different colors that flows and moves in the sky look really pretty in my eyes. Nature can offer so much to us. I have seen sunrise and sunsets and they are beautiful. I have seen northern lights on videos and i told myself, one day, i will see them myself and i will live the moment, not just film it.
10. Hike and watch the stars up from a mountain.
One of the most tiring I have done was a two-kilometer walk, straight path. In the future i want to hike up a mountain and take a step further. I cannot do wall or mountain climbing because my upper body is not that strong but I think i can do hiking. Aside from it’s a good exercise, it’s good to experience nature too. I want to reach the peak of the mountain and watch the stars from there. I have seen stars of course, but it would be different if i will feel closer to them. Stars are beautiful. Even if I don’t know much about constellations, i really do appreciate them.
11. Go to a Shakira concert and have her autograph. If not Shakira, I would love to meet Angelina Jolie too.
I like Shakira since gradeschool. I even had a cassette tape of her songs. I am in my 20s now and I still listen to her songs. She is pretty, she is talented and she looks like a kind person.
When i signed up to facebook, her page was the first page I liked. That’s how much of a fan I am. If i will have the opportunity to watch one of her concerts, I will and will make sure to get her autograph too. And probably have it framed.
If I will not be able to watch her concert live or get an autograph, there’s another celebrity that i want to meet in person, Angelina Jolie. Need not to make it long, she’s an ambassador. She’s one of the kindest people you’ll ever hear of.
Doing charity works since forever, adopting kids, being an ambassador plus a huge star in hollywood, there’s no need to explain why.
12. Watch Forensics Experts do their jobs.
I love murder series, live or anime. But I am much more fascinated by forensic experts. To be able to support or negate theories, to be able to analyze evidence and solve crimes, to be able to do so much using science, these are just some of their expertise.
These are people with creative minds, they know how to connect the dots. They are simply amazing. I am one of those who appreciate their talents. And it would be nice if i get to see them in action.
13. Visit a mental asylum.
I originally wanted to become a psychologist. For me, human behavior and human minds are fascinating.
i want to visit a mental asylum not because i want to mock people who act differently but i want to have a close encounter with them. I want to know if they are that different from us and how are they different.
I am certain that most people will choose to visit the home for the aged or the orphanage but i want to go on a different path, i want to visit these mentally challenged people because like us, they need attention too. Maybe we can offer something to help them. Who knows. Maybe I can do something too.
14. Go somewhere far and pretend to be a different person.
What if i am a different person? Will i be happier? i want to answer that question.
There are things in life that I cannot have and the least I can do is to fantasize about them. I want to experience being a different person, i want to be someone i can never be and i want to do something that the real me will never do.
i want to pretend as somebody else and see how it will feel. i don’t intend to fool people. i am just curious of how they will treat me if i, let’s say, am a surgeon not an accountant. will they show warmth, be friendly, or neutral? i am curious.
15. Go fishing in the ocean.
As i have said, i am not a good swimmer and i don’t go near bodies of water often. But i would like to spend time on water and go fishing. i want to catch a big fish but will release it afterwards. Maybe catch small ones too and bring them home and cook them. i would want to enjoy being on water too. maybe, just maybe, if i spend more time, i will be at ease.
16. Dye my hair galaxy Style
i don’t want to go crazy on my hair. i am too scared to look like a clown or regret it afterwards. But i really really want to have that galaxy hair color. it looks pretty on other people but i am not sure if it will look good on me. it’s purple and blue, and green, like the color of the universe. i have really dark hair and i have to bleach it first. Dyeing is not the problem, the problem is i don’t want to bleach my hair cause it will surely damage it. So maybe in the future… or maybe not.
17. Fire a gun and Swing a sword
I am pro-gun. i actually want to have one in the future. guns are not scary, irresponsible people who own them are. i may have one in the future but if it can’t happen, i want to at least try to fire one, in the gun range. i heard the adrenaline rush is crazy.
Aside from firing a gun, I want to swing a real sword too. i do not know if it’s the effect of watching too much movies or game of thrones but i really want to swing one. it would feel like i am a warrior and that sounds thrilling to me.
18. Get a tattoo.
I love arts including body art and i am not afraid of needles. for now, it would be impossible to get inked but in the future, if i still find them attractive i’ll probably get one.
The reason I am holding back is that I don’t want to have something permanent on my skin and regret it afterwards. Laser treatments are expensive too.
I am neither pro or anti tattoo, i appreciate them and i think they look awesome. Still 50:50 on this.
19. Enjoy street food in New York, not giving a fuck.
I want to eat big slices of pizza, real american burgers, and sodas in the streets of New York. I love food. I want to eat and not give a fuck. Even if it will make me gain weight, or it has bad cholesterol, i wouldn’t mind. Food is one of the best things in life and I want to enjoy it.
20. Drive like I am a star in the Fast and the Furious.
I am not obsessed with cars, to be honest. but I want one of course.
Even if I am not a racer, i want to try driving like one. i know it’s really dangerous and i might get hurt but i still want to try.
21. Plant a fire tree and watch it grow.
Big tree with red leaves. It looks so alive. The moment i saw one, i fell in love with it. i have never seen a tree so alive until i saw a fire tree. And in the future, hopefully, I can grow one in my backyard.
…Fire trees remind me of someone too. 🙂
22. Publish a book
I have written scripts, poems, short stories and articles but i have never published a book.
In this book, i want to write all the things i have done and those i wanted to but haven’t. i want to write how fun life is, how it doesn’t make sense sometimes. i want to write all the lessons i have learned and those things that i want other people to know. I am not a writer, i didn’t have formal training but I have a lot to say too.
basically, i will publish this when i am really old. it’s my journal.
The list goes on and on and i might want to do some more in the future and i may not be able to do all of the things above but there’s one thing i want to make sure to accomplish in the future.
i do not know if i will get married and have a family. i do not know when will i start crossing things off of my list and i haven’t even mentioned if i will do all these things alone or if i’ll be with someone.
in the future, i want to check this last item on the list, twenty-third and the most important… is 23. to meet you and hopefully, accomplish all these things together…. Will you be the Adam and accompany Eve? I will be ready… Whenever you are ready. 🙂
All of us have dreams in life. Others want to become successful singers. Others want to become successful animators. Others want to become certified public accountants, doctors, engineers or chef. Others want to become millionaires. Others want to travel the world. But when we achieve our goals in life, what comes next?
We are living in a material world. Naturally we want material things. We want big houses, high salaries, cars, gourmet food, best lifestyles. We want to receive the best things in life but oftentimes, we forget to give back.
I will not deny, I want to have material things too. It’s not me being materialistic, it’s me wanting to have resources. But I am not asking for too much. I do not need to have that much. I just want to have a convenient lifestyle where I do not have to worry about bills and savings.
When that day comes, what will i do next? I haven’t given a single thought about it… I have been thinking about earning and receiving a lot, but what can I give in return?
I was talking to someone special to me and he told me about his dreams. He always shares what he plans for the future. I am very aware that he wants to build his own company, gaming company. And he is starting to live his dream.
He is not materialistic. He doesn’t wish for big houses or expensive cars. Like me, he just wants to live comfortably. He doesn’t even like buying expensive things. He spends his money wisely and it’s seldom that he buys something for himself. Simple but comfortable lifestyle, that’s what he wants.
It will be ironic though. If he becomes the CEO of his own company, he will certainly earn a lot. He will rise into fame. He doesn’t like to be in the spotlight. He even feels anxious when he sees camera lens. But even so, he still wishes for a simple life.
Yes, he wants to earn a lot but not because he loves money but because he has a bigger plan in the future. Not just for himself but for other people too.
Just this morning, he was at the hospital and he told me that when the time comes when he already has his resources, he wants to build his own hospital. Not a business hospital, but a hospital that focuses on helping other people. Medical expenses are expensive and not everyone can afford to pay the bills.
He will have his own scholarship program for those who aspire to become nurses and doctors and in return, he would ask his scholars to serve the hospital for a certain period of time. And there will be no professional charges, most certainly.
He also wants to provide education to people close to him. He will help people not by giving money but by paving ways. If he sees someone who has talents, he will not give monetary reward, he will give resources to the person that will enhance his talent instead. There are many talented people out there, it’s just that, they do not have the adequate resources.
He also wants to invest in micro businesses. If he sees someone who has the passion for business, he would certainly help the person get the best education and eventually help him grow a business of his own. If he sees potential, he will help the person succeed. Investment is not just monetary, it also includes his own time and talent.
Learning about his dreams, i feel a bit embarrassed. I have not seen myself being an advocate of good will. I feel bad for other people but I have not included them in my future. Let’s all be honest here. How often do we think about our neighbors? Do we even include them in our prayers?
To pay the goodness forward, that’s what he wants. If he receives blessings, he wants other people to receive blessings too. That is why I pray and hope that he becomes successful in the future, and he certainly will, and that he realizes all his dreams.
Maybe we should learn from him. Money does not make the world go round but it does help. Let’s all keep the balance, when we receive something good, we should share it too. We cannot bring wealth when we die, but we can leave our legacy and good deeds.
Our house never had a baby in forever. I am not used to having a little kid constantly running around the house anymore.
I associate kids with responsibilities. Job is a responsibility. Kids and pets alike are responsibilities. Between the two, it’s easier to take care of a pet. You feed them and they will survive. Whilst in babies or little kids, you have to feed them, you have to bathe them, you have to constantly watch them and make sure they do not get hurt. Pets are so much easier. I can accidentally drop my dog and not feel too bad about it. Well i will feel bad and it will eventually go away. But i cannot accidentally drop a kid or a baby. Not in a thousand years.
I do not hate them, it’s just that I am not adult yet to take care of one. I cannot even take care of myself, let alone, another little human being. I admire them from afar. They are innocent and fun, and funny.
I like hearing stories about them especially babies, literally babies. It’s fun at first but i eventually get bored. I don’t understand the obsession of other people with babies. Yes they are cute, but they are boring. Their activities are boring. Eat, poop, sleep, and cry. That’s all they do. I’d rather have a little kid around, at least he can do something else except eat poop and sleep.
As i have written in my previous entry, I am very picky. I treat babies and kids the way I treat adults. I can hang out with some, not with everybody.
I have a little cousin who comes into our house. I am not mad but I am not delighted. The first five minutes is fine. The next minutes are kind of tiring. I have too much to think about and I feel disturbed when i see someone running back and forth. And he cries a lot too! I hate crying kids. I like kids who are fun and energetic but know when to sit down and behave accordingly.
Of course people will say, “they are kids. let them be kids, you were a kid once”, well when i was a kid, i was not a rascal. (LOL)
I like well-behaved and smart kids.
Just recently, i have developed fondness to a little kid and we call him “applepie”. I heard stories about him and he seems fun.
First time i heard about him was when they visited and he was watching a video. Alphabet song. A funny and weird one. A is for applepie, B is for banana and so on, hence the name applepie.
He just turned two and he wants to do things alone. He eats on a plate, with a spoon. I think he will grow up to be a foodie cause he eats almost everything. A two year old who eats vegetables and shawarma. (I like this kid! I approve of it) I trust kids who love food. But he is a wise one though. He has to see that the food is edible first before eating it. You have to eat first before he does. And he is generous. he will share his food.
He is an independent kid. He doesn’t pee or poop on the floor, he will tell you if he needs to use the bathroom too.
He is a sweet child. He likes cuddles and kisses. He doesn’t throw tantrums too. You can explain things to him and he will listen. I always joke about him being a 28 year old guy who shrunk into a 2-year old kid’s body.
I like listening to stories about him, how he just sits there and watches tv shows. He likes watching cars and real people. How he likes hanging out with his uncle and sticking to him. It’s funny how he clings to his uncle. I remember me being clingy to his uncle too. He constantly seeks attention but not in a bothersome way. Just like me. I think he is a smaller representation of me hahahahahahahaha!! Once the uncle was in the bathroom and he was knocking and calling him but did not get response, so instead of calling him ‘tito’ he called him by the first name. Whenever he misses his uncles and family, he will stand by the door and start saying “tito, mama, papa”. It’s like imagining a music video!
He is a funny kid too. It’s funny how he gets nervous when he thought he was being left out of the car. Cause he was so little and maybe he thought they have forgotten about him or they did not see him. It’s funny when he talks. He tells stories but since he is a little kid, he has his own vocabulary. I will just tell his uncle to nod even if he did not understand anything. I like the fact that he communicates. It’s funny how he knows how to say excuse me… “mi mi” in his terms. And how he calls the mouse, remote.
I remember when he picked up a kitten and placed it in his car. he gave it a joy ride. haha. I can just picture them playing. i know kids who pick up little animals and throw them away. I am glad he isn’t like that.
He likes hanging out with his uncles a lot. He is playful but not annoying. He has a lot of energy but he knows when to stay still. I think he knows how to behave in public too. He is an old soul.. but a charming little kid. And I can’t wait to hear more.
There are too many reasons why I don’t want to hang out with kids but if all the kids are like applepie, it would be awesome.:)
1. I am picky.
I am picky in almost everything except for food. When I don’t like something, there’s no way I will ever like it. And it’s a problem.
I am picky when it comes to job. I have been offered other jobs and when I see something that I do not like, I immediately turn it down. I wasted a lot of opportunities just because of the petty things. But I am not unemployed. Well, I am currently employed and I have been working in the same company for more than three years. And in that span of three years, I have ranted a lot. I pick on everything. I always criticize everything. I do not like this or like that. There’s never a week that I did not feel upset because I didn’t really feel like doing tasks. I’d murmur to myself like crazy but in the end i’d still finish everything before the deadline.
I am picky when it comes to people too. Like how I treat jobs, when I see something that I do not like to a certain person, I would not deal with the person again, unless I have to. I am not friendly, I do not look friendly. I kind of look like a bitch. Although I know that we all have flaws, I really cannot associate with people who are on my “can never deal with this type of person list” but I do make exceptions though. When I like you, I like you. And if I like you and I am friendly with you, then you really are special because can become the most anti-social person if I want to.
2. I do not like going out.
The only reason I go out of the house is when I have to go to work or buy something. I can feel the anxiety when I see people. It’s like every stare is going to stab me. I do not like having to deal with people. No offense intended, I studied a bit of sign language as an escape tactic when I don’t want to talk to deal with strangers. Like you know, pretending to be deaf and mute because I am too lazy or i am not interested.
3. I love silence too much to give it up.
I can’t stand hearing constant noises. I do not like loud people. I do not like hearing vehicles. I do not like the sound of banging doors. I enjoy silence too much to give it up. I prefer to be alone. Or if there is someone else in the room, i will appreciate it if he can enjoy being alone together sometimes, without having the need to constantly communicate. Comfortable silence. I can be in a state where my head is up in space and I am unreachable, I am like half dead at times. And I’m not in the mood to listen to voices. Sometimes I need silence to think. I need silence to concentrate. It’s in silence that I find sanity.
4. I am willing to compromise but I hate arguments.. really.
There are no two persons alike and because of differences, arguments cannot be avoided.
Arguments stress me out so much. I do not like the heavy feeling when I am not in good terms with the person. I couldn’t sleep, eat or do anything. In order to have a solid relationship with other people, i have to be more understanding and have more patience. The problem is, i get annoyed in little things and that alone may lead to arguments. More often, when I get pissed off, i stay quiet and distant and i do not discuss things. It’s bothersome for me. But I know i have to communicate in order to fix the misunderstanding. I feel bad whenever I hurt other people’s feelings, especially if they are important to me. I may say hurtful words that’s why i always choose to keep quiet. And because of my unwillingness to converse and not explaining why, sometimes, the situation gets worse.
I have no problem in compromising things as long as it’s fair and beneficial for me and other people. The problem is, I don’t want any argument before that.
5. The adjustment
It’s hard to be in a situation where you have to constantly adjust. You cannot do whatever, wherever, whenever. Changes cannot be avoided and I have to adapt whether i like it or I don’t. It’s not just me anymore, there’s always another person or persons that I have to consider. I am used to eating alone. And sometimes I eat weird food. Whenever I am with other people, I have to consider if they would want to go with me or if they are allergic to something.
Whether little or big adjustment, it will be continuous. And the question is, can I keep with up with the changes? What if I get tired, can i just run away? There’s too much to think about. And if i decide to engage in a relationship, whatever relationship it may be, I have to give a part of me.
Is any relationship worthy of giving up my freedom? I am being realistic here. Will the benefit of having somebody else outweigh the benefits of being alone? I mean, I can survive alone. I can do chores alone. I even worked in the office alone and I was happy.
I love being free. I love being able to decide things on my own. I love being free from any worries. I love being free to do things my way and i love being free from any burden from other people.
I can be happy alone but they say that happiness doubles when there is somebody to share it with. The idea may be true but it doesn’t necessarily apply to everybody
It’s hard to give up your freedom when you have been free for too long, especially when you have learned to be happy on your own. I wouldn’t deny that it can get lonely sometimes, but it wouldn’t kill you. It did not kill me. It will be awesome to have someone, but it is not necessary. It’s a matter of preference.
I am very anxious. Even when there is nothing wrong, I always feel that something is wrong. Even the slightest thing worries me.
I am not sure of myself. I know I am not perfect. I am not even likeable that’s why I find it weird when people want to become friends with me. Then I’ll start thinking that they just like me because they need something from me. Or i am in a relationship, I will worry that soon the other person will leave me because I am not the best person to be in a relationship with. That when he finds someone better, he will eventually break up with me.
I am very conscious about what other people might think about me. Having nothing much to offer, I feel no better. I’d rather be alone. By being alone, I do not have to worry about what other people might think about me. I don’t have to impress them. Even if I am not the best person, it wouldn’t bother me because I know I am not letting somebody down.
8. Trust issues
My wall is too high. I don’t trust people easily. It’s too scary to lay yourself out there and let people affect you. I am not ready to open up myself because I have too much weakness in me. I may appear tough but in reality, I break down all the time.
To give your trust to people is to let yourself become vulnerable. And I am not ready to show that vulnerable side of me. I have been hurt before and I don’t want to be hurt again. Like it or not, intentionally or unintentionally, people will hurt me. But as long as it is not someone I gave my trust to, it wouldn’t be that bad.
In a relationship, you have to trust the other person. It depends on how much you can give. But in my case, it’s either I give my full trust or none at all. And it’s too risky. I am not ready to take that risk yet. I am not ready to share my personal space yet. Besides, I am already contented with the people I gave my trust to.
Commitment is such an intimidating word; it is such a scary thing to say.
I don’t think I have ever fully committed myself into something. I cannot even spend 8 hours working, like literally working. There’s always an excuse to do something else. I cannot commit to work, let alone, human relationships.
Human relationships are complex. Unlike in jobs, where you invest your time and talent, here, you have to invest your feelings, time, and mostly everything about you. You are dealing with a person, so you cannot commit half ass.
You will share a part of you, in all aspects. You will give, give in to something, give up something, compromise, argue about something, patch things up, lay yourself out there. You will not only think about yourself, you have to think about the other person too. And even if you didn’t want or intend to think about the other person, you will eventually do and sometimes it will be bothersome.
I cannot commit fully right now. I will be unfair to the other person. Even if I try to, it will never be enough. I am not getting younger and I am approaching my quarterlife but I know how important commitments are and I don’t want to engage into a relationship and fail to give what the other person deserve. If I cannot do boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, I can never be married.
10. I am neither pro marriage nor pro kids (as for now)
Most of my friends are either getting married and having a baby and here I am, eating corn. I also bought chocolates and now thinking about what to eat for lunch tomorrow. I don’t usually eat breakfast.
Had a typical day today. Went to work, talked to people, ate lunch, checked emails, ranted about some work and some people, drank orange juice, watched random clips, worked, went home, ranted about work and some people again and had dinner. I checked my facebook account and most of the posts are either about people’s relationships, eyebrows, filtered selfies and babies.
My gallery has a bunch of babies and little kids’ photos too. I would constantly receive them from my aunties, about my age, but already have families of their own. I can tell, they are obsessed with their kids. Well, I guess it’s normal that parents are obsessed with their babies. Also, parents’ siblings are obsessed with their nieces and nephews too. But I am not. I am neither obsessed with babies nor with little kids. But I don’t hate them.
I have never pictured myself having a pregnant belly. I have seen myself with beer belly and it’s easier to manage. Imagine, there’s a living creature inside your belly that you have to carry and take care of for nine months. How scary it is to think about having a little creature kicking and moving inside your belly. To be honest, when feel something in my belly I panic a little, let alone having a living thing in there. Everything is inconvenient. Walking, sleeping, eating, reaching for things et cetera. Too many downsides and the only upside is having a baby and I don’t even like the idea of constantly taking care of babies.
And if the process of pregnancy is not terrifying enough, how about giving birth? I will not give full details but you can just picture the normal birth like giving birth to a bowling ball and yes, the whole thing comes out of the vagina (not the butthole). And it can last for several hours! I cannot imagine the pain of trying to push out a baby out of your vagina. I cannot even tolerate the pain when I am constipated, I get headaches when I am trying to push the poop out and i feel like I’m dying. If you cannot do the pushing out thing, then do the Caesarian section where the doctors will do an incision in your belly and pull out the baby from there. Either, for me, is terrifying.
Creepy but there are times I wish that something divine switches our bodies and minds, even for a day, so you could see the way I see you and you could feel the way I feel about you. Maybe by then you will understand why I say the things that I say and believe me and enlighten your confusions about things that seem to be too weird for you.
It’s easier to insult than to give compliments and it is true. I live by that. And i find it puzzling that when you came, I was just so starstruck that I cannot dare say insults about you cause I can’t find any reason to. Compliments are coming out of my mouth like crazy. And whenever you feel confused why people show interest on you, you go to me and ask me about it. And it’s easy for me to explain it to you although a lot of times you will just feel more confused and shrug your shoulders and say “aaaaah” or just laugh it out. I find it adorkable though.
Yes, you are adorkable. Well you know what adorable means. And when I say dork, I don’t mean it like the dork we know, not the derogatory one. A lovable person who’s into intellectual or non-mainstream things instead of ‘trendy’, this is what I mean. You can but you may not object, by the way! This is my perception of you.
You’re amazing and you just need to understand why and sort of carry yourself knowing how amazing everyone else thinks you are. You have a lot about you that makes you an interesting person. Maybe you’re just weirded out by the fact that you have no common ground with other people and they are still coming onto you. Isn’t that a sign that there’s something magical about you?
You’ve always described yourself as boring. It has been five years and you still think of yourself that way. You think that the things you do and you enjoy might not be fun for other people. You think that there’s nothing special about you and that people are just maybe, weirded out or they are wondering why you seem a bit distant and once they get to know a part of you, they will just move on with their lives. And you think those are the normal people and the others who stay are the weird one.
I know while you’re reading this, you will just be like, “parang di naman” and after, you will say, “arte-arte”. Well yeah, just accept the fact na maarte talaga ako pagdating sayo. And nope, lahat ng sinasabi ko may basehan naman. Alangan naman mag imbento lang ako. lol!
Going back, I cannot say na ako na yung pinakanakakakilala sayo but I am confident that I know you enough to describe you. And at times, I do finish your sentences already. So maybe, try to see yourself using my eyes?
There’s nothing boring about you or about what you do. I think you’re one of the most fun person I have met. We’re both introvert but I do not consider us boring. Your mind is a wanderer. Remember that when we were younger we’d spend hours of talking on the phone, everyday? You’re the kind of person who is willing to talk about everything. And I don’t see anything boring with that. Just in case I haven’t told you enough, you are one of the few people who can hold conversations really well. You’re not the kind who will approach a stranger and start talking to him first. But you are the kind that when approached, will talk and actually make sense. Intelligent people can converse really well are fun. Therefore, you are fun.
Your work is fun. You do art. You create art and it’s one of the best things in the world. Being able to imagine things and turn them into something that we actually can see or hear is just amazing to me. You know sometimes we want things that wouldn’t really happen in real life. We have our fantasies. We have our dreams. And sometimes we want to create a world according to our wants, and you, being an artist, have the capacity to do that.
If you commit yourself into something, you really commit yourself to it.
You’re basically married to your work. You spend 80% of your time on it. And even when you’re away, your mind is still in it. And it’s great that you’re happy with your work. I am glad that you enjoy what you do. I think you’re at your best when you’re working. You sometimes feel that you’re being too perfectionist and I understand that. I see you as someone who wants the best result and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think you’re born to become a successful artist and CEO of your own company someday because not everybody will commit themselves to work as much as you do can. I can see you’re striving.
You are very thoughtful about other people. You want to understand why they behave that way and to some, you wonder what is up with their lives. You don’t reach out to them always but in your mind, you give thoughts about them and wish them good life. When something is not working out too well for them, you always listen and you try your best to help them in the way you can. And sometimes, when a situation is unusual, let’s say this person wants to ruin his life and you’ve done everything you can. You suggested, you advised, you tried to talk him out of it but he still insisted in doing dumb things, you feel like you can do so much more or should have done more and you feel a little guilt in you. You want to save people. You always do. I think that’s a special thing.
You value your family the most. You may not post photos of you and your family, or talk about them everyday, or tell them you love them all the time but in good times and in bad times, you’re the one who is always there to stay and do everything for them. Sometimes things get rough and you’re feeling upset and sad but you never left them. I know how hard it is to find peace, you what i am referring to, but I am proud of you for being strong and loving. You will be a good husband and a father someday. We may be joking about you and having your own family, but I am certain that you’ll be awesome.
You are sweet in your way. Although you are morbid at times, I still find it funny and cute. Sabi mo mas morbid, mas close. So yeah. You’re sweet in the simplest words. You are not the flower type of guy but you are full of surprises. You’re a busy person but still, you value relationships and still take time to say hi whenever you can. I think that’s just plain sweet.
It’s easy to trust you. You can ruin me if you want to. You could have done that when I did you wrong. But you did not. It’s easy to share the darkest part of me with you cause you wouldn’t judge or wouldn’t mind flaws. You’re the one person I can trust. And I can be myself around you without worrying. And I think people feel the same way too about you. It’s not easy to show our flaws to people but with you, I wouldn’t mind, not at all.
You may feel stress at times but they just make you strong. You’re stronger than before. There were ups and downs and even though it feels like at some point you’re gonna snap, you just kept going and moving. You never gave up. It’s not easy to be you. I would admit that. The pressure is too high. But I just admire you more for being so calm and showing grace under pressure.
You wish the best for everyone. You might get mad with people. They may do you wrong but you still forgive. You’re too good, you know. You told me once that like me, you are a hateful person too. But I know deep in my heart that you’re not. That the goodness in you defeats the dark sides.
You have a strong faith. You live by what you preach. Even if you feel like life is too hard on you, I think God favors you, in all honesty. You never gave up on Him and he will bless you.
You may appear quiet but your thoughts are crazy. Not many know about your weird thoughts and out of this world questions. And it’s surprising. You will ask if ants poop or why people like you. I mean, what’s not to like about you? 🙂
I waited and waited and waited although I should not be waiting. I waited for your messages since this noon. I have always waited for your hi to me. I am not bitching. I will be describing the feeling of disappointment whenever I see your messages late.
I get it. I should not expect and should not feel hurt if you’re busy with something and honestly, I am happy for you. I am happy that you’re busy with work. I know you know that already. I understand the situation. I am not even your significant other. I know where I stand. This is a case of an unrequited love. This is a case of an ex who’s stuck on the same ground for three years. And a person who just wants to talk to you for as much as she can.
Nope, this is not supposed to make you feel guilty and nope, there’s no need to tell me that I should move on with my life and stop waiting. Nope, I am not asking for time and nope, I am not trying to make you look bad. You’re not at fault here.
There’s a feeling of loneliness here and you’re the cure. A simple text from you takes it away, you know. And I don’t want you to feel obligated. I am not being clingy and I don’t want you to think that I am being too attached. These are just my feelings. I am not acting on them so don’t let them affect yours!
It makes me feel upset whenever I see it late and I wasn’t able to respond. It’s like getting your birthday present a month after your birthday. That’s how it feels. I don’t want to keep you waiting too.There’s a thrill in getting a message from someone. I feel excited whenever I hear that simple notification tone. There’s joy in receiving something that you are waiting for, at the right time. Being too dramatic? Making it a big deal? Yes, maybe. But there’s a reason for that.
I am thankful that you still keep in touch with me. I appreciate it a lot. I am thankful for sparing me your time; for making me laugh and for taking my loneliness away. I should not expect anything from you, that’s clear to me. But i can’t help but wish that you continue being here. (It’s too selfish and I am not going there!c:) It’s too much, but I treat every single text you send me as the last text I will receive from you. That’s how important they are to me. Who knows what’s going to happen. Will you still talk to me the day after tomorrow? What if you get so fed up with me and you just want to be alone and not talk to me. I can’t predict the future. lol. Might as well talk to you as if it’s the last time we will so I wouldn’t feel any regret in the future and tell myself that “if only i could go back in time then…”.
Don’t feel different about me now that you know how I feel about us keeping in touch. Pretend that you don’t know. Bottomline is, I am really grateful that you’re around.