Do not Just Dream

Exit interviews are mandatory during college. You will be asked questions about your dreams and plans after college. It also works like a mock job interview.

Fortunately, the interviewer on my exit interview was the one who also interviewed me during admission. I know he did not expect my answers but he gave me the biggest smile afterwards. I knew then that I aced that mock interview.

So here is what happened,

I was handed sheets of questionnaire and a number. I wanted to finish first so I volunteered. I was asked to introduce myself, as usual, and was asked questions about my strengths and weaknesses. But nothing is really unusual until he asked me about my plans after college. I know he was expecting me to say

“After college, I will look for a stable job. Maybe work for a big corporation” and so on.

But that was not the answer I gave him.

This is what I told him:

“After college, I don’t know. I don’t know if I will be working for a big corporation, or for an accounting firm. I haven’t decided yet. I am lazy and I don’t like working for others. You know I almost flunk on half of my subjects and I guarantee you that I will never be the best employee. Yeah, maybe, I will work for some time, but I am not planning to work forever. It’s my dream to be the boss of my own. So, let’s see what the tide will bring.”

I knew that he was shocked about my honesty and he asked me,

“Let’s say I am the owner of a company you are applying with, Now tell me, why will I hire you?”

I know it’s not always advisable to be honest all the time but since I don’t want to fake my views, I told him anyways.

“If you were the owner, I think you will see no reason not to hire me. You know, just like you, I want to have my own company as well and I think it’s safe to assume that we are in the same boat. We think alike. And I do think there’s already the connection”

That ended the mock interview. Got an A on that.

I already knew back then that I am not the typical teenager who dreams of working for a big company.

As early as 15, I have already read the book The Millionaire Next Door. It was just one of those books that I read cover to cover. I know 15 is a bit late, I could have read that when I was just 10 or something. But yeah. I remember once on my grade school year when my teacher asked me what do I want to be when I grow old, so I stood up and told her with my head held high, “I want to be as rich as Bill Gates… Nope, double that.”

My classmates, even my teacher laughed as if they have heard a joke. So I grinned and told them, “I was not bluffing.” And during college, we were all asked how do we see ourselves in the next 10 years. I was 8th to the last to answer,

“Well, I know this is ambitious but I want to become like Warren Buffet. You know how’s he like? He lives in a humble house, he owns a minivan but he is damn rich that he can buy the Philippines with his net worth” (He was the richest man during that year and of course I was just exaggerating about buying the Philippines stuff… but I don’t know, maybe he really can with his wealth). I was the youngest in the class. And I was a cross enrollee.

Who doesn’t want to get rich? I bet every one of us does dream of living a life of comfort. But there is always the difference and it starts with the following questions:

1. How much do you want to achieve that dream

2. What are you going to do to achieve that

As for my part, I really want to turn that dream into reality so bad. I just regret that I started realizing that dream when I was 10. Thanks to all the parents who teach their kids to dream of becoming a doctor, an accountant, a lawyer, a teacher, instead of teaching them to aspire something bigger. Even I was a victim of it. I stepped into the stage during my kindergarten years telling everyone that I wanted to become a doctor someday, even if I don’t know what the doctors really do. (no offense to all the professionals, it’s my point of view and I am not degrading your profession.) I don’t see wrong in aspiring to become a professional, I just don’t like the fact that at an early age, children are taught to dream of becoming employees.

I am an employee. But I am not planning to stay an employee forever. For me, this is just the first step. Of course, I will need a source of income and I am just starting. I need to be exposed in the work field. If I am a boss, I will not be the one who will be sitting idly on my office. I want  to learn at least the basics of everything. I want to be a piece of everything. I am an employee but you know, it’s latent but I am already studying the intricacies of business. I know it’s not easy to have your own, that’s why I am trying to learn everything while I am still incapable of building my own.

It’s okay to dream big  but It’s not okay to JUST dream. You’ve got to do something to make it real. Be ambitious but make sure that you’re guided by SMART goals.

SPECIFIC

MEASURABLE

ATTAINABLE

RELEVANT

TIME BASED

and most importantly, start while you’re still young. 🙂

I’m a Jerk

I never imagined myself on my 50s, not even on my 30s. I know I’ll die young. This is what I believe in. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid to die without being able to live my life to the fullest.

My life is far from perfection. I have grudges and I have made enemies along the way. I am not at peace with my parents and friends. I have lots of hatred and I always drop the F word.

I never had an easy life and things do not always work as I expect them to. Lots of times I failed and got hurt.

I am afraid of the day I will just disappear without being able to fix all the things I have broken.

I don’t know if reincarnation is real. A part of me wants to believe and the other part refuses to. But had it been there really is, will I choose the the life I am living at present or will I choose somebody else’s?

At times when I get so mad, I tend to wish to have somebody else’s life. You know, when you get hurt so bad, you just want to get rid of all the memories and move on. You want to have that shortcut. I am like that. When I get hurt, I would blame the people around me for bringing in the pain… But realizations come at the end of the day though.

My friends left me hanging. But even so, I would still want them to be a part of my next life. Yeah, I’ve been hurt but for the longest time, I never felt alone because they were there. I learned how to enjoy life. I learned how to drink alcohol and I went to places I’ve never been before. Because of them, I never went back to the old boring me. I was offered friendship, even it expired, at least, I can say, I had friends.

My siblings are rascals. Even if my siblings would mess up with me during my rest days, I will still want to have them on my next life. They will piss me off endlessly and make me do the chores. They will drive me crazy over their nonsense questions. They will borrow my stuffs and won’t return them on time. But still, I will want to be their sister. It’s because of them primarily why I became a responsible person. I learned how to become generous and selfless. Even if we yell at one other, at the end of the day, we will watch movies altogether while eating chips and drinking soda, as if nothing happened. We may fight all the time but the brotherly and sisterly love will always be there.Even if we don’t tell one another that we care.

My special someone – best friend pushes me out of the bed. Even if we had misunderstandings and even if we fight over each other’s attitude. Even if we did each other wrong. Even if sometimes we feel like we cannot be together. Even if the world tried to tear us apart and even if in the next life it still tries to, I will still want him in my next life and I’ll fight for him harder. It’s because of him that I am happy today. And it’s because of him that will wake up tomorrow feeling happy and whole.

My parents are incomprehensible. Even if I always fight with my parents over petty things like not going to mass on Sundays, I would still want to have them as my parents on my next life. Even if my father will always make endless dramas about me not going home on weekends or not replying to his message the soonest. Even if my mother will ask me over and over again how much is my basic salary and I will refuse everytime, and even if she will get me to clean the furniture set, I will still want her to conceive me. I have their genes. Maybe that’s why I am incomprehensible as well. It’s because of them that I am alive today. They are good parents, I know they still love me even if we often ignore one another. I know they care about me and I care about them as well. We just haven’t figured out yet how to connect the right way. Hopefully soon.

I am a jerk. I know I am rude and selfish and a big asshole. But I want the me I am today. I like the me today because I know I am capable of being the best even if I have many loopholes. I will not use the phrase “God created me in his image and likeness” here, rather, I was created with a body and mind and was given the breath of life to pursue my dreams and aspirations.

There are many unlikely events in my life, but at the end of the day, what is important is I have lived the life I wanted to live. Even a lot of things are misaligned, I am fortunate that I still have the time to put everything into place. I don’t have a control over the things outside of my body, I can’t beat divine intervention, if there is, but I am choosing to live to my full extent and potential before I reach my end.

If I don’t live long, and I will be rewarded a second life, I will still want to be surrounded by these crackheads. They turn me into a monster.They scare the shit out of me. But it’s because of them that I am thrilled and happy in being the jerk i am today. 🙂

License is Just a Piece of Paper After All

I was not in Section A in college, yeah once, after two months, I dropped my subjects. I never wanted to enter an A-class. I am not a genius and I don’t like being pressured, in a negative way, by the professors and hostile-jimmy neutron-like classmates. I don’t feel so belong. I don’t like studying. I often cut classes because I find them boring. I find school boring. But I finished my course.

I admit that I didn’t do well in school. I cut class and I had this habit of being absent once a week. I knew back then that I was not college material but still, I tried to finish college. I was not one of those students you will see reading their textbooks during breaks or discussing the previous lessons with their colleagues. I was one of those chill-type students who stay at the canteen eating baked macaroni and sipping iced cold coffee with jelly. I never attended group studies, it was always the booze nights. I was not one of those who graduated with A’s on their transcripts. I was one of those who are hopeful not to get failing grades. I was never on the Dean’s List. Yeah, I was certainly not the best. But one thing I am certain of, I was one of those who learned beyond the fundamentals taught in college.

My mother will always compare me to some of my batchmates. She will always tell me about the achievements of her friend’s daughter or the new CPA in town. Once she asked me why I was not a Dean’s Lister and how come this batchmate of mine was. I was not really offended because I don’t really mind if I am not. But for respect’s sake, I told her that the professors she had, the batchmate, are newbies and far more considerate. She never got to experience my terror professors who never hesitated giving us zeros on our exams. I could take those questions, but I couldn’t take the one time my mother offended me by asking “DO YOU WANT TO STAY JUST THAT WAY, DO YOU WANT TO JUST BE LIKE THAT?” I felt I was belittled by my own mother. She was pointing out to the fact that I don’t have the license.

I am not a Certified Public Accountant, not a Certified Accounting Technician, Certified Cost Accountant nor a Certified Bookkeeper, I don’t have a license. I was never an achiever during college and I never had any certifications. But I have my reasons why.

Not becoming a CPA is my choice. I opted to become a regular BS Accountancy Graduate. Truth is, I studied BSA because I wanted to become a lawyer. Simply put, it was supposedly my Pre-law course. I never aspired to become a one, that’s why I am not interested with the title. You know what’s even more funny? People admired me for being a BSA graduate but when they learned that I am not a CPA, I saw the disappointment in their faces. It’s as if all BSA graduates are destined to become CPAs. If I want to become one, I could simply become one. But since I don’t have the drive, just nevermind. It’s not on my plan.

What’s the difference of a CPA and a normal BSA Graduate? A fucking license… that will give you the opportunity to work in corporations. Yeah, i admit that having a license is definitely a killer, i mean, an edge to secure a high paying job. But you know what really is the difference? Nothing. I went through the same phase, I studied the fundamentals of accounting, I studied all the accounting subjects, I went through exams and ODs… I just didn’t take the exam to get a license… It’s just a piece of a laminated paper after all.

I am not a CPA but it doesn’t mean I’m no good. I never had the chance to get on stage and accept a medal, or be recognized on class, but those times when my batchmates were there trying to solve impairment and foreign exchange…

…I was already doing audit… in the workfield… I was already offered a job twice… and i was just a third year college student…

I don’t have those certificates but surely I have the skills. Academics is more on theory, but in life, people who have the skills will always be one step ahead. Personally, if I were an employer, I will choose someone who is skillful rather than academically gifted. Why? Academics can be learned but skills are innate. Everybody can draw cause we can learn that from school but not everyone can draw flawlessly. Only those born with it can nail that.

I am not a CPA but last time I checked, my CPA batchmates were there working at the biggest auditing firm in the country as assistants, on business attire, doing the photocopying of records for their bosses; While I, on the other hand, am chilling here at the office wearing shirt and pants, doing this entry at 2:45 PM, waiting for my paycheck. And by the way, I earn 50% more compared to my batchmates. I have no OTS, I work from 9am to 5pm with a lot of breaks in between and sometimes I work at the comfort of my home. So whatever happened to the magic of the license?

I am the type of person who doesn’t believe in paper achievements. I don’t think that the true worth of a person is measured by the certificates he possess or the titles on his name. They are just titles. I already learned that during my college years. Never be degraded because you’re not a certified something or you do not have MD or PhD embedded in your name. Even if you’re living in a world who hails labels, do not let the world define your worth.

Be inspired with those non achievers but aimed to be full fledged in their careers in their own way. It doesn’t take titles and worthless paper to do that. Gusteau from the movie Ratatouille said:

You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true – anyone can cook… but only the fearless can be great.

Life offers no guarantees. This is what I learned. Just because you’re on the top during college, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be the most successful among your batchmates. And just because you were one of those who almost flunk a lot of times like me, doesn’t mean you’re going nowhere. Remember, not everybody can be successful, but a successful man can come from anyone, from anywhere.

Mga Kwento ni Nayna

Eto yung kauna unahang post ko na tagalog. Diyos ko, kayanin ko sana ang pagsubok na ito hahahaha! Dahil kaarawan mo sa araw na ito, susubukan ko na gumawa ng something na tagalog para may effort naman diba?

Game, magkkwento lang naman ako e. Ikkwento ko ang iba’t ibang katauhan ni Mite-Mite at Nyna.

I can’t do it anymore. Let’s just switch to the normal me.

ZOMBIES

Remember those times when you will wake me up at 2 am? I wouldn’t forget the mini heart attack I get everytime my phone will ring. Yeah, we’re nocturnal so we can stay really really late. You will ask me to tell you random stories and then l will talk endlessly until you tell me you’re already sleepy. So there, you will leave me hanging. You will wake me up and when the adrenaline rushes into my vein, you will bid good mornight. Meh. I’m wide awake. I will end up looking like this:

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ME waiting for the Morning to Come 🙂

But that’s okay! I loved talking to you though. 🙂

SINGERS

Yeah, you can already make your own album. LOL. As promised, I compiled all our recordings. I cannot beat you in singing cause I am tone deaf. But even so, we will still sing at the top of our lungs. Thanks for being patient whenever I ask you to repeat the first verse over and over again. Don’t worry, you really are a singer.

justin-timberlake-is-daddy-warbucks

Yeah a million people in a crowded room But my camera lenses only been set to zoom And it all becomes so clear, becomes so clear, becomes so clear I got that tunnel vision for you, I only see you. You’re My Justin Timberlake. ❤

NINJAS

We’re like the wind baby. Nobody can beat our Ninja Moves. Even when the boss or kuya is around, we still make chikas! LOL. Buti nga di tayo nahuhuli. Galing talaga natin diba. 🙂

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So what if the Boss is around? show me your ULTIMATE NINJA MOVES baby!

GAMERS

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Nope. We’re not like the gamers on the picture cause we don’t play DOTA or Counter Strike. LOL. But we play:

original-5a5c55489dflappy_birddownloadcandy-crush-level-202

But we’re not lame. You influenced me. You know I don’t play games but since I heard you yelling “Wow Ang Galing!” during that angry bird game, I became really really interested. But you always win at everything except for one game. LOL

CHIKADORAS

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OMG Really?!

Madami pala akong kilalang artista. LOL. I find it funny that we talk about celebrities and their lives. It’s funny and cool at the same time. It just means that there are no limits in our conversations. We can talk almost about everything. It’s always nice to share things that we don’t often tell other people. Don’t worry, nobody will know that we are little gossipers. It’s our tiny little secret.

CONJOINED BUT NOT TWINS

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ME: asdfghjkl              YOU: asdfghjkl

Do we have the same mind? Lots of times we think really alike. And it’s really really nice. It’s like our mind is so connected in so many ways. Thank God. We have a lot in common. 🙂

Natatawa ako kasi madami akong gustong ilagay sa post kaso kukulangin ang isang araw. Syempre almost 4 years ba naman tayong nag uusap. Malamang alam na alam na natin ang katauhan ng isa’t isa. Yung mga gusto natin na hindi naibigay, yung tamagotchi ko na pinakaaasam na hindi binigay nung kaklase ko. Sayo ko lang yung kinwento kasi sobrang comfy ako sayo. Pero alam mo masaya talaga ako na nakilala kita. Wala akong pinagsisisihan. Imagine, madami na napagdaanan Mite and Nyna pero strong pa din. Natatawa pa din tayo sa jokes ng isa’t isa. Kahit minsan nagkakainisan, naaayos pa din. Dahil ito yung unang birthday mo na icecelebrate natin, gusto ko na isurprise ka sana ng bonggang bongga kaso di kaya. Di ko alam kung saan yung puregold. Hayaan mo, sa next birthday mo magkasama na tayo at makikiss na kita sa lips. hahaha!

Gusto kita batiin ng isang maligayang kaarawan. Alam kong pagpapalain ka pa ng Panginoon dahil isa kang mabuting tao. Sana maging masaya ka ngayong araw at sa mga susunod pa. Mahal kita. 🙂

Never Frown on the 27th

I was so pissed off this morning that I wasn’t able to do my feel good entry. Supposedly, I will be writing about good things but I can still make up for the losses right?

When I was younger, I had this self inferiority complex. I always considered myself inferior from everyone. It all started in our extended family. They often call me chocolate because of my skin color. It made me feel ugly then.

But things changed when I got older. My views about life changed big time.

When we’re young, we’re really concerned about our looks, about how will people look at us, how will people think about us. We have lots of considerations that make us feel imprisoned and jaded. But what the heck will happen to us if we keep on thinking about other people? Nothing.

So what shall we do? They say that we only live once. Yes. We only live once so we need to live it to the fullest. And when I say fullest, I do not necessarily mean, do whatever we want. It’s do whatever will make us happy, of course, responsibly.

How can one become happy? Why should we be happy?

People can become happy according to their meaning of happiness. It may come from your environment. From your friends, from your significant other, from your passion, your pet. But first, it should come from within you.

In order for you to become happy, you should feel happy about yourself. Do not think that you’re inferior from the other but do not act superior. I was guilty of this. I never liked myself before. But good thing i realized that I am not inferior, in fact I am good. It’s just a matter of knowing where you are good at and enhancing it. You have to feel comfortable about your physique, about your skills and abilities cause nobody will love you better than yourself. But don’t be too vain. Just learn how to love yourself in the right way.

See your problem as an opportunity to learn and grow. I know this is cliche. But it’s true. They say that God will never give you problems that you cannot handle. I say, just laugh about it. Problems do have solutions, if they don’t, then they are not problems, Maybe tricks. You may have hard times dealing with them but there’s always something that you will learn along the way. Either about life or about yourself.

People will piss you off either intentionally or unintentionally. But don’t let them get into your nerves. And even if they already did, the trick is a little sarcasm. If they throw lemons, then get a shot of tequila and a pinch of salt. Give them a dog smile. and give them the middle finger. Cheers to all motherf*ckers.

Things may not work like you expect them to be but keep trying. There’s always time for second, third and fourth trial. Find alternatives. You will not always get it right in the first time, that’s why the term adjustment was created. If things won’t adjust for you, then you adjust for them.

Ill statements. Nah. You should learn the art of letting shit in and out of your ear. No matter how good you are, people will always have something to say, positive and negative. So learn the art of “deadma” (ignoring things). You know yourself better than anyone else.

Keep real people close. Stay with people who will stab you in front and tell you how stupid you are in your face. People who will laugh and cry with you. Not those who will laugh at you and make you cry. Be with people who will listen to your most dumb idea. Real people are rare. Don’t be with people who don’t value your worth. So if you find someone who is willing to stay in prison with you, never let go of him.

Life may be hard. But you stay tough! If life blows hard on you, then blow harder. There are endless of reasons why you should be happy. It’s up to you to figure them out.

43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, so in other words be happy, smile, you’re awesome! 🙂

Don’t Blame Me for The Broken Sink

Everyone’s getting excited about the weekend except me. Weekend means home. And I don’t feel like I am at home in my parent’s house. I was supposed to write a feel good entry but the broken sink just ruined my day.

It’s not a common practice in the Philippines that the children will move out of their parents’ house when they reach maturity. More often, they we stay at our parents house until we get married or until our parents have someone to take care of them when they grow old. We want to accompany our parents, it us showing gratitude to them for raising us up.

Sometimes, we still live at our parents’ even if we are married and have kids of our own. But to be honest, I don’t think I will be able to stay longer at this house.

Here are the reasons why:

I lost my room when I was in college.

My grandparents have moved into our house since my grandfather had a heart attack. I didn’t mind at first since they were MY GRANDPARENTS. It was just a room. So I and my younger sister shared the same room. But since I am not alone in the room, there are lots of restrictions. For example, I cannot just simply sleep nude. (not literally nude, was just exaggerating) It’s hard when you share a room, it’s like you’re in chains. Your actions are all limited.

I lost my privacy.

I don’t have a room of my own. You can conclude that I lost my privacy. Even if I want to lock myself up all day, I can’t. If my sister knocks, I am obliged to open up the door. She can easily go through all my stuff and I remember one time that she saw a notebook where I used to write all my thoughts and scanned over it. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Since she was super close with my father, she spilled everything that was written there. So I ruined the notebook. Bye bye Secrets-No-More.

I lost my privacy, Big-Time.

My mom hired care takers of my grandfather because she couldn’t handle him anymore. I’ll tell you why on the next paragraph. One after the other. They kept changing. People went in and out of the house. I felt like our house is already a church, you know, free for all. We are obliged to get dressed even inside the bathroom. I hate it when my pants get wet. You know the feeling when you can’t go out in the bathroom in towels or I cannot sit however I like people there are strangers inside our house. You know the feeling when they will just open the fridge and get whatever they want without asking for our permission? So so disrespectful that sometimes I would ask my mother to not buy groceries anymore or put them inside the room.

I want the peaceful and quiet house… But it’s gone

It’s f*ckin annoying to hear curses early in the morning. I always get awaken by my grandfather. Yeah I curse sometimes but not as intense as he does. He says an average of 3 curses per sentence and it’s getting into my nerves. I’d rather hear those 5 am prayers at least they give me the Holy Spirit and the 8 am rosary that makes me laugh everytime I hear the vibratos of the oldies.. I cannot eat my meal with a quiet surrounding. It’s always the F word. If I can eat the F word, i’d surely have a full full stomach even if it’s just 6 in the morning.

People who think I am filthy rich.

I am sick of hearing money matters. As if I am an ATM. I get irritated everytime I hear them asking me to buy this and that. If I could just stay invisible, I would just, to get rid of them especially my f*ckin uncle. Even if I refuse, he will send me text messages telling me how bad their situation is et cetera. I hate it that I put him on my block list and I don’t feel sorry. Just because I am working in the city doesn’t mean I am filthy rich.

The Hot Seat

I don’t like endless conversations be it about my job or about my personal life. I feel like a celebrity on hot seat. The questions are so redundant that gets me tired every time. I will tell stories if I feel like sharing. I just don’t like them when they are being too pushy.

Chores

There’s so much household chores to do. I work 5 days a week and sometimes even on weekends but I am still asked to do chores. My mother’s a clean freak, so is my Father. She would get me to clean the displays every time. My father would do the laundry because he likes doing it but at the end of the day, it’s still me who will rinse and dry them out. F*ckin annoying. It’s his idea in his first place. Not me, being lazy. I just hate laundry. You know, he could just go into the laundry shop or ask the laundry lady. Lots of chores to do on weekends. I hate waking up to my mother’s voice telling me to clean the house even if i haven’t eaten breakfast yet. And sometimes, I will still be the one to prepare our breakfast. It was supposed to be my REST day.

Morning Frowns

Poof. I hate seeing those faces in the morning. It ruins my day. It’s as if they are carrying the world in their shoulders. It’s as if it’s always the end of the world. Is it that hard to fake a smile? Morning frown and the curses, what a combination. How would you expect me to enjoy my breakfast with those two? The same reason why I prefer getting up late even if I am already awake. Trying to get rid of the morning evils. *sigh

WH questions

I am being bombarded with WH questions. Who’s this, what’s that, when’s that, how’s that? My God. That’s why there’s google. Maximize our resources. I am not a walking encyclopedia, I don’t know everything.

Criticisms

I can’t even watch a movie without hearing criticisms. I won’t mind if they are CONSTRUCTIVE but they aren’t. What’s wrong with watching Neighbor Totoro? They always call me childish whenever I watch Spongebob and Powerpuff Girls and the like. Damn, it’s not me who needs to grow up. It’s the people who criticize. Just mind your business people of god.

Parents

I stayed at my apartment for two weeks because of the weather. My father didn’t even give me a look this morning. I don’t want to assume but I think that’s because I wasn’t here last week. I sent him a text message telling him how bad the condition was and he didn’t respond. I even told my mother that the area is flooded and she kept on saying I still can travel. I don’t want to travel because it will be so inconvenient on my part. And I asked her what’s so important that I need to get through all those inconveniences and you know the reason why, it’s my goddaughter’s 7th birthday (if there’s such a word). What’s the fuss? Even if I don’t visit for a month, that doesn’t mean i am distancing myself to them or not showing gratitude. It’s just that I have my own life and I need to start living independently as early as now. I have a job and I have a place to stay in. And I am paying my rent. I don’t want to be the typical Filipina child who lives with her parents forever. Just because I wasn’t able to travel I am being ignored like this? But it’s not so new to me, I was sent out of the house thrice as early as my high school days, for the record. I know I don’t know any about parenting but it is clear to me that something is wrong with my parents’ style. They are not seeing how things in the eye of their children, i guess that’s it.

INTERVENTIONS

I CAN’T DO UNITY WITHOUT INTERVENTIONS. Please hand me that, please go to the market, please unplug that. Lot’s of interventions! And you know what’s worse, I am doing this entry for almost 2 hours now and it’s not yet finished because of the commercials! SO F*CKIN F*CKIN F*CK.

Going back to the sink. The sink is broken. I didn’t expect that to be THAT BROKEN. I just washed my face and the water overflowed. And people kept blaming me. It’s not me who broke it in the first place, and who did the design… IT WASN’T ME.

I’m not excited for the weekend. Thank you for the free wifi. It’s my only consolation. Technically, it’s not so free i remember I am the one who pays the bill as well.

So don’t blame me for the broken sink and for not going home on weekends.

Don’t Blame Me for The Broken Sink

Everyone’s getting excited about the weekend except me. Weekend means home. And I don’t feel like I am at home in my parent’s house. I was supposed to write a feel good entry but the broken sink just ruined my day.

It’s not a common practice in the Philippines that the children will move out of their parents’ house when they reach maturity. More often, they we stay at our parents house until we get married or until our parents have someone to take care of them when they grow old. We want to accompany our parents, it us showing gratitude to them for raising us up.

Sometimes, we still live at our parents’ even if we are married and have kids of our own. But to be honest, I don’t think I will be able to stay longer at this house.

Here are the reasons why:

I lost my room when I was in college.

My grandparents have moved into our house since my grandfather had a heart attack. I didn’t mind at first since they were MY GRANDPARENTS. It was just a room. So I and my younger sister shared the same room. But since I am not alone in the room, there are lots of restrictions. For example, I cannot just simply sleep nude. (not literally nude, was just exaggerating) It’s hard when you share a room, it’s like you’re in chains. Your actions are all limited.

I lost my privacy.

I don’t have a room of my own. You can conclude that I lost my privacy. Even if I want to lock myself up all day, I can’t. If my sister knocks, I am obliged to open up the door. She can easily go through all my stuff and I remember one time that she saw a notebook where I used to write all my thoughts and scanned over it. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Since she was super close with my father, she spilled everything that was written there. So I ruined the notebook. Bye bye Secrets-No-More.

I lost my privacy, Big-Time.

My mom hired care takers of my grandfather because she couldn’t handle him anymore. I’ll tell you why on the next paragraph. One after the other. They kept changing. People went in and out of the house. I felt like our house is already a church, you know, free for all. We are obliged to get dressed even inside the bathroom. I hate it when my pants get wet. You know the feeling when you can’t go out in the bathroom in towels or I cannot sit however I like people there are strangers inside our house. You know the feeling when they will just open the fridge and get whatever they want without asking for our permission? So so disrespectful that sometimes I would ask my mother to not buy groceries anymore or put them inside the room.

I want the peaceful and quiet house… But it’s gone

It’s f*ckin annoying to hear curses early in the morning. I always get awaken by my grandfather. Yeah I curse sometimes but not as intense as he does. He says an average of 3 curses per sentence and it’s getting into my nerves. I’d rather hear those 5 am prayers at least they give me the Holy Spirit and the 8 am rosary that makes me laugh everytime I hear the vibratos of the oldies.. I cannot eat my meal with a quiet surrounding. It’s always the F word. If I can eat the F word, i’d surely have a full full stomach even if it’s just 6 in the morning.

People who think I am filthy rich.

I am sick of hearing money matters. As if I am an ATM. I get irritated everytime I hear them asking me to buy this and that. If I could just stay invisible, I would just, to get rid of them especially my f*ckin uncle. Even if I refuse, he will send me text messages telling me how bad their situation is et cetera. I hate it that I put him on my block list and I don’t feel sorry. Just because I am working in the city doesn’t mean I am filthy rich.

The Hot Seat

I don’t like endless conversations be it about my job or about my personal life. I feel like a celebrity on hot seat. The questions are so redundant that gets me tired every time. I will tell stories if I feel like sharing. I just don’t like them when they are being too pushy.

Chores

There’s so much household chores to do. I work 5 days a week and sometimes even on weekends but I am still asked to do chores. My mother’s a clean freak, so is my Father. She would get me to clean the displays every time. My father would do the laundry because he likes doing it but at the end of the day, it’s still me who will rinse and dry them out. F*ckin annoying. It’s his idea in his first place. Not me, being lazy. I just hate laundry. You know, he could just go into the laundry shop or ask the laundry lady. Lots of chores to do on weekends. I hate waking up to my mother’s voice telling me to clean the house even if i haven’t eaten breakfast yet. And sometimes, I will still be the one to prepare our breakfast. It was supposed to be my REST day.

Morning Frowns

Poof. I hate seeing those faces in the morning. It ruins my day. It’s as if they are carrying the world in their shoulders. It’s as if it’s always the end of the world. Is it that hard to fake a smile? Morning frown and the curses, what a combination. How would you expect me to enjoy my breakfast with those two? The same reason why I prefer getting up late even if I am already awake. Trying to get rid of the morning evils. *sigh

WH questions

I am being bombarded with WH questions. Who’s this, what’s that, when’s that, how’s that? My God. That’s why there’s google. Maximize our resources. I am not a walking encyclopedia, I don’t know everything.

Criticisms

I can’t even watch a movie without hearing criticisms. I won’t mind if they are CONSTRUCTIVE but they aren’t. What’s wrong with watching Neighbor Totoro? They always call me childish whenever I watch Spongebob and Powerpuff Girls and the like. Damn, it’s not me who needs to grow up. It’s the people who criticize. Just mind your business people of god.

Parents

I stayed at my apartment for two weeks because of the weather. My father didn’t even give me a look this morning. I don’t want to assume but I think that’s because I wasn’t here last week. I sent him a text message telling him how bad the condition was and he didn’t respond. I even told my mother that the area is flooded and she kept on saying I still can travel. I don’t want to travel because it will be so inconvenient on my part. And I asked her what’s so important that I need to get through all those inconveniences and you know the reason why, it’s my goddaughter’s 7th birthday (if there’s such a word). What’s the fuss? Even if I don’t visit for a month, that doesn’t mean i am distancing myself to them or not showing gratitude. It’s just that I have my own life and I need to start living independently as early as now. I have a job and I have a place to stay in. And I am paying my rent. I don’t want to be the typical Filipina child who lives with her parents forever. Just because I wasn’t able to travel I am being ignored like this? But it’s not so new to me, I was sent out of the house thrice as early as my high school days, for the record. I know I don’t know any about parenting but it is clear to me that something is wrong with my parents’ style. They are not seeing how things in the eye of their children, i guess that’s it.

INTERVENTIONS

I CAN’T DO UNITY WITHOUT INTERVENTIONS. Please hand me that, please go to the market, please unplug that. Lot’s of interventions! And you know what’s worse, I am doing this entry for almost 2 hours now and it’s not yet finished because of the commercials! SO F*CKIN F*CKIN F*CK.

Going back to the sink. The sink is broken. I didn’t expect that to be THAT BROKEN. I just washed my face and the water overflowed. And people kept blaming me. It’s not me who broke it in the first place, and who did the design… IT WASN’T ME.

I’m not excited for the weekend. Thank you for the free wifi. It’s my only consolation. Technically, it’s not so free i remember I am the one who pays the bill as well.

So don’t blame me for the broken sink and for not going home on weekends.

Banana Bread with Nuts? I Don’t Think So.

So I rushed into this bakery earlier this evening to buy me a dinner. I was thinking of eating instant noodles for dinner but I changed my mind. I thought bread would be better.

Amazed with everything that was right in front of me, it took me long to decide which one will i buy. There was cinnamon roll, there was egg pie, chocolate cake, marble slice and everything nice, in short, I was seeing paradise, being a bread lover. But I bought 2 slices of banana bread and chocolate cake, more than enough for my dinner and breakfast.

The first bite on my banana bread was heaven until I felt this solid, crispy nut on my mouth. Heaven turned Hell.

But this blog is not about how the banana bread failed me. It’s about the words Banana, Bread and Nuts. Well, not quite, but sort of.

I was watching replays of the Ellen Show on Youtube when I came across this video entitled “Can Andy Say That?”, a segment that was also aired on the Ellen Show, yeah, i’m a big fan of her and i’m dying to see her. So this is how the segment goes:

Ellen will invite Andy Lassner, producer of the show, on stage, then ask him to repeat the phrases she’s going to say. For example, silver balls, or i like nuts. Too easy right? Even a two year old can repeat those without blinking an eye.

But here’s the dilemma, Andy couldn’t say the phrases without stuttering or laughing or turning red. He can’t get damn serious. All that’s running through his head are dirtiest of the dirty thoughts. I remember one time when Ellen asked him to say “Last night we got seven inches.” And as expected, his mind went spiral again and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing upon hearing that “seven inches” phrase. And when it was his turn, he was mistaken so bad that he uttered “Last night I GOT SEVEN INCHES“. What the Fuck. Poor Andy. Even I got these dirty thoughts in my head because of his facial reaction. I laughed so hard that I ended up crying. LOL.

You can imagine the embarrassment during those longest two minutes of his life. Here are some phrases from the segment:

  • I love nuts
  • Adult Squirrels have perfect visions so they can see their nuts at night.
  • I’ve polished my silver balls.
  • My fruitcake has nuts.
  • After squirrels break up their nut open they can clean them by licking them or rubbing them (he gave up on this one LMAO)
  • Check out this incredible spread.
  • On Christmas Eve, I got stuffed.
  • There is nothing cuter than a squirrel nibbling on its nuts.
  • Last night we got 7 inches.
  • Open my package.
  • Look what I found in Santa’s sack!
  • On New Year’s Eve, I saw the ball dropped

Bonus: Pen-is broken, use finger instead. 🙂

And many many more.

I am not making fun of Andy. As a matter of fact, I am fond of him. He’s such a good sport.

Even I will not be able to keep a straight face if I were to say those phrases in front of my friends who think like Andy. Even if i try to focus harder, if one gives a smirk, i will surely lose my cool.

I know  there’s nothing wrong with nuts, or balls, or even bananas. It just so happened that these words were used to replace some scientific terms. Not only that, they were wrongly used for fun.

When I was younger, i was taught to say the P word and the V word, not something else to make them sound pleasing. So what’s wrong with Penis and Vagina? I never used the term banana or hotdog or twat to refer to genitalias… then.

But when I grew older, I learned the art of using the slang terms. And most of the time words do not mean what they really mean. Thanks to the Internet. I never consulted Mr. Webster, it’s just always the Urban Dictionary.

And it helped me learn new vocabularies wrongly. Nevertheless, I learn the generation’s language.

Because I Refuse a Lot

The only time I went inside a club was when my aunt had this thanksgiving party before flying to Canada. I am not a big fan of crowded places with stranger dancing to loud music going insane with the spirit of alcohol in their heads.

I was invited a hundred and one times but I always refused. So I was labeled “lame”,”kill joy” (killer of joy/excitement) and “boring”. Sometimes people tend to forget the term “individual differences”

Yeah I don’t party but I am not lame. I just know where I am comfortable at. And I am not comfortable seeing wasted people. I easily get dizzy when I’m in crowded places. Not just in clubs. I’m not killing the fun. I just don’t want to be the burden when I feel sick.

For me, clubbing is boring. For others, it’s fun. For me staying at home is fun, but for many it’s the most boring thing ever. So there goes our differences. I wonder why people have to put labels on everything. Just because one is different, we can label him freak already. If we call him freak just because he acts differently, then we must call ourselves freaks as well because basically, not two human beings are alike. Even identical twins are different in a thousand way.

  • I eat hotdog sandwich using a fork and I everytime I do so, people will laugh at me. I don’t eat bulky burgers, I always make them flat. I don’t know if they think I am amazing or insane. But i don’t really care because I have my own reason why I eat like that.
  • I stopped eating crabs when I was in high school. I was never allergic. And my cousins will always ask me and laugh at me whenever I tell them the reason why.
  • I don’t eat chicken legs. I am not allergic as well. I never liked seeing blood on it but there’s another reason that I never liked telling people cause they think it’s shallow.
  • I don’t go to Starbucks except when I have to meet some VIPs. Still, I don’t order coffee.
  • I don’t like going shopping.
  • I don’t floss, i mean dental floss.
  • I always have bangs to cover my forehead. My mom would always ask me to put my headband on but I always refuse. And I always cover my ears even when I tie my hair.
  • I don’t wear earrings. But I have piercings. I’ve received gifts but I never wore them.
  • I walk on the street with my eyes almost close.
  • Even my parents will label me bizarre, surreal, and weird. And I just give them a shrug whenever.

I do and don’t do things because I am freak or lame. I have my own reasons, just like everybody else.

Why do I eat hotdog sandwich using a fork?

I have a problem with my jaws. I can hear them creaking whenever I try to open my mouth wide, and they hurt a bit. It’s not me being vain or being afraid to look odd. It’s some body issues. Same reason why I like flat burgers. Maybe now you know why I refuse to eat hotdog sandwiches unless I have a fork.

I stopped eating crabs when I was in high school

It may be funny but the reason why I don’t crabs is the picture of them dying which never went out of my head. After the one time I watched them as they turned their color from gray to orange, I saw their eyes got dilated as if they are asking for my help, as if they wanted me to get them out of the pot. Seeing them dying little by little was totally cruel.

I don’t eat chicken legs.

Aside from the hating the fact that chicken legs most of the time have blood stains even when they are cooked, I had one friend who was labeled “chicken’s leg, pork’s leg”. Her other leg was thinner than the other. I know it’s shallow but I just can’t eat chicken legs because that made her life kinda sad when we were younger. I will rather skip lunch than to eat chicken leg. I will still refuse even it’s for free.

I don’t go to Starbucks except when I have to meet some VIPs. Still, I don’t order coffee.

Even if Starbucks sells one of the best coffee in town, they say, and the aroma is really inviting, they say, I never ordered one. I can’t drink coffee because first, I’ve got issues when it comes to beverages. Be it coffee or tea, hot or cold. Health issues. Second, I am not willing to spend hundreds for a cup of coffee. Third, I’ve got my own wifi device. Let’s admit, aside from the coffee, their wifi zone is their second bestseller. Fourth, I honestly think that Starbucks is just another place where social climbers will take their selfies and post it on instagram. Peace.

I don’t like going shopping. I like grocery stores.

I’d rather go to the grocery store than go shopping. Shopping is luxury. It’s when you buy unnecessary stuffs, it’s when you roam around looking for a pair of shoes that was worn by your favorite celebrity when she appeared on the Ellen Show or when she walked on the red carpet. If I am not willing to spend a hunded for a coffee, then what more if it will cost a thousand? But I make exceptions. When it’s really really really NECESSARY and it’s not overpriced.

I don’t floss, i mean dental floss.

You offer me floss and I refuse. You find me not flossing unhygienic? Even If I don’t floss, I’m pretty sure that my breath is fresher and my teeth are cleaner than your neighbor’s or your brother’s. I don’t floss because I easily bleed. Even if I just brush my teeth, (I use soft bristles) I will surely see blood when I rinse. What more if a thread hits my gum?

I always have bangs to cover my forehead. My mom would always ask me to put my headband on but I always refuse. And I always cover my ears even when I tie my hair.

A plane can land on my forehead. My forehead’s too wide that you can make an airport out of it. That’s the use of my bangs, to make it appear smaller. And what about my ears? they are too sensitive to heat. There’s need for extra protection or they will get burn.

I don’t wear earrings. But I have piercings. I’ve received gifts but I never wore them.

I’ve got my piercings when I was still months old. Not that I don’t want to look girly or I don’t like the gifts. Don’t feel bad if you don’t see me wearing accessories. I am allergic to earrings. And my ears hurt so bad that I can’t sleep at night when I have allergic reactions.

I walk on the street with my eyes almost close.

My friends will always ask me why and people on the street will take a second look at me. I know I look odd whenever I do that. And my friends would want to totally stay away from me whenever. I’m not mimicking Davis’ eyes. They are just really sensitive to light. Why not just wear shades? My ears are not level with each other making it hard for me to get my glasses properly positioned. It either goes slanted on one side or drops off totally, reason why I refused accepting the shades my friend offered me.

See. There are endless reasons why I do things my own way. It’s not me being a freak or lame. If I refuse, I’m not trying to be a VIP. So stop the label. Respect individual differences.

People Do Come and Go (2)

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

-Bob Marley

More than sad, I am pissed off. And I thought, why would I waste my time to people who do not appreciate my effort? This is the mere reason why I don’t want to be attached. The more you get close to other, the more you get vulnerable to all the pain.

I must admit that having friends who care is real treasure. I did not regret building relationship with them. What I kinda regret is those massive efforts Ive done for them. I am not waiting to be paid off because I did those voluntarily. But yeah, sometimes, I am expecting something little from them… Now, I am not really expecting anything.

Did I cry? Nope. Why would I cry over them if I have someone who sees me and appreciates even the most little thing I’ve done for him? And I realized, I don’t need many. One is enough. And this one person is more than what I asked for.

We may not be childhood friends, or classmates or schoolmates but it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

I’m lucky Ive met this one person who never left me even if I’ve never done enough for him. We may have met in an unexpected way but the friendship that I was expecting to end soon was the one that didn’t expire.

It doesn’t really matter if we’ve just known each other for 3 years, maybe not long enough compared for others to call it real friendship, what matters is that our time together was well spent. And I can say that he has been my best buddy since I’ve met him.

He always tells me that I’ve lots of bestfriends and I always tell him, “Nope. I have just one. And it’s you.” And I really mean it when I tell him that.

I’ve never been so attached to a person before. He came just right when I felt that real friendship doesn’t exist. Not to mention that I’ve had lots of “pseudo bestfriends” when I was younger. He came into my life in perfect time.

I am lucky considering that this person is not just related to me romantically… He’s also the one guy that I will have the closest relationship to. He’s my best friend for eternity.

My friends are like spilled milk, but I never cried over spilled milk. I just clean up the mess.

Even when I feel like nobody’s around, he never failed to make me feel I’m not alone. Even on his busiest days, he will still reach out to me and make it up to me. He does things that my friends wouldn’t do for me.

Bob Marley was right. Once in your life, there is someone who can completely turn your world around. I am lucky that I have found the person worth more than many of the faces I’ve encountered before. And I am taking this friendship to the next level. If there’s something I would be giving him that I never thought of giving to my pseudofriends… That would be my life and my eternal hope for his happiness. I’d die and kill for him. He’s the only person I will never let go of.

So i’m not stopping those familiar faces from walking out of my life. I am happy and contented with one.

I think it’s time to wave good bye to the people I used to know. Till we cross paths again. xOxO.