The Perks of Loving You

 It’s true that when a person is in love, his brain drops into his knees. No matter how smart he is, he just learns to forget the basics. All he can see is his loved one.

 

Dear Bie,

You always ask me what I don’t like about you. Well, let me enumerate them, but please promise me not to take offense.

You are the following sometimes:

  • You are mean. You are rude. You are impatient. You easily get mad. I learned that in my 2 year relationship with you.
  • You easily get mad when I don’t pick up the phone. And when I try to reach out, you don’t utter a single word. You give me complete silence. You know, I’d rather hear you scream than receive a silent treatment. At least I will get the feeling of being listened to. At least there’s a conversation going on.
  • You tell me things that hurt my feelings. You say you don’t like hearing my voice. You say I’m too clingy and I’m annoying.
  • You pick up the call and then end it. You cut me when I talk and you reject my calls afterwards. You are rude that you will put me on auto reject. You know I hate it when you do that. It gives me the feeling of being UNWANTED.
  • You blame everything on me. It’s as if I’ve got a grip to everything. As if I have the power to control the universe. You don’t listen to my explanation and you give me the feeling that you don’t trust me at all.
  • Now I am thinking, what is Love without Trust?

Will a relationship work without it? Sadly, no. Love isn’t enough. Love is nothing without trust.

But I keep on trying to fill the spaces and I have been trying to understand you all along. It just hurts so bad that even if I make those massive efforts; still, they are not enough.

What else would I do? How do I make things right? How do I continue?

I know this is weird, but despite of everything, his flaws, I am still willing to stay in this relationship.

I will be hurt because I love someone, I love you. I will be ignored, I will cry, I will become stupid… All I can do is bear with the pain because this is the Price of Being in Love.

You’ve got flaws, yes. I’ve got them too. But more than the flaws that we both have, we still manage to get through everything.

What is Love without Trust? But what is Love without Happiness?

After hearing my sentiments, you told me these:

• You easily get mad when I don’t pick up the phone.

I am wondering what you are doing at the moment. If you are talking with somebody else, or you are doing your “that thing again”. I don’t feel secured.

• And when I try to reach out, you don’t utter a single word. You give me complete silence.

I would rather stay silent than to hurt your feelings.

• You pick up the call and then end it. You say you don’t like hearing my voice. You say I’m too clingy and I’m annoying.

I am angry at the moment. And hearing you makes me more angry. But it doesn’t mean I would never want to talk to you again. I just need space. I don’t like it when you’re getting too attached to me, the more you get attached, the more I am having a hard time to let you go. And I cannot let go. I get annoyed when you’re being too pushy to the point that you will get me offended.

• You blame everything on me. It’s as if I’ve got a grip to everything. As if I have the power to control the universe. You don’t listen to my explanation and you give me the feeling that you don’t trust me at all.

Yes. I don’t trust you and you know why. I don’t blame you for everything. I just can’t get the feeling the security when things don’t work well. You know I will be sensitive and fragile at the moment. I am still healing. Do consider that. You were the one I placed my biggest trust. You know that. You should trust me when I say I’ll give you a call. You should trust my words no matter what.

I see your efforts and I appreciate them. But you are not just the only one who exerts effort on this relationship. I do too. I am having a hard time but I am trying.

And I realized his flaws are not really his. His flaws are really mine. Those I’ve mentioned are my own flaws. And I learned to love everything about him.

And I have to take back what I’ve said to you. Let me redeem you.

You aren’t rude, I am. I am rude for offending you; for being hostile; for not seeing your efforts; for being so selfish.

You aren’t impatient, I am. I am impatient for pushing you so far that you reach your limit even if it isn’t the right time.

You don’t easily get mad, I do. I get mad whenever you don’t tell me things… And I do stupid things.  And you never hated me for that.

And I am sorry making you feel you are flawed when in fact you’re the most FLAWLESS person in the world and I am the FLAWED ONE.

I feel so ashamed of making you feel so bad when all you did was love me.

But despite of my inadequacies, you still believe in my love for you. That’s the most important thing for me. I will always cherish you in my heart forever. And I’ll try to make it up to you. Make you feel love and secured for the second time around.

There’s another question that you always ask me…
What do I love about you? I will simply tell you that I love you for everything you got. No more, no less. I love your voice, your screams, your everything. My mind is clouded with the thoughts of you, as if I am drugged by your love.

We may argue that will drain the both of us but you are willing to accept me even if I say things that have hurt you; even if I have offended you; even if you were the one who is really hurting when I am around.

You would tell me to leave… but you will tell me that you can’t do it without me. Even if we’re different in so many ways, we still can’t live without each other. And it will melt my heart. And I will choose to be with your baby forever and always.

Maybe this is what they call the POWER of LOVE. That despite of everything that we argue about, the connection will be so strong that nothing can break us apart. What’s with the differences when we feel whole with each other… when we see Happiness with each other… that the simple things that we talk about paint smile on our faces… that the world vanishes when you are around. I am fragile, but with you around, I am superhuman.

Life is more beautiful with you around, or shall I say Life is PERFECT because you are around. You’re my sunshine and my sunset.

I will be waiting for the day when I can wake up beside you and tell you how much I love you. I pray to God that we end up being together.

I am crazily in love with you. Everything I see is you. I want to be drugged by your love. And I want to stay in this insanity forever.

I lost my senses, I am lost without you… but I am Overjoyed, I am more than HAPPY.

These are the Perks of Loving You.

I love you to Infinity and Beyond.

 

Filled with Love,

Bie ❤

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