So I rushed into this bakery earlier this evening to buy me a dinner. I was thinking of eating instant noodles for dinner but I changed my mind. I thought bread would be better.
Amazed with everything that was right in front of me, it took me long to decide which one will i buy. There was cinnamon roll, there was egg pie, chocolate cake, marble slice and everything nice, in short, I was seeing paradise, being a bread lover. But I bought 2 slices of banana bread and chocolate cake, more than enough for my dinner and breakfast.
The first bite on my banana bread was heaven until I felt this solid, crispy nut on my mouth. Heaven turned Hell.
But this blog is not about how the banana bread failed me. It’s about the words Banana, Bread and Nuts. Well, not quite, but sort of.
I was watching replays of the Ellen Show on Youtube when I came across this video entitled “Can Andy Say That?”, a segment that was also aired on the Ellen Show, yeah, i’m a big fan of her and i’m dying to see her. So this is how the segment goes:
Ellen will invite Andy Lassner, producer of the show, on stage, then ask him to repeat the phrases she’s going to say. For example, silver balls, or i like nuts. Too easy right? Even a two year old can repeat those without blinking an eye.
But here’s the dilemma, Andy couldn’t say the phrases without stuttering or laughing or turning red. He can’t get damn serious. All that’s running through his head are dirtiest of the dirty thoughts. I remember one time when Ellen asked him to say “Last night we got seven inches.” And as expected, his mind went spiral again and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing upon hearing that “seven inches” phrase. And when it was his turn, he was mistaken so bad that he uttered “Last night I GOT SEVEN INCHES“. What the Fuck. Poor Andy. Even I got these dirty thoughts in my head because of his facial reaction. I laughed so hard that I ended up crying. LOL.
You can imagine the embarrassment during those longest two minutes of his life. Here are some phrases from the segment:
- I love nuts
- Adult Squirrels have perfect visions so they can see their nuts at night.
- I’ve polished my silver balls.
- My fruitcake has nuts.
- After squirrels break up their nut open they can clean them by licking them or rubbing them (he gave up on this one LMAO)
- Check out this incredible spread.
- On Christmas Eve, I got stuffed.
- There is nothing cuter than a squirrel nibbling on its nuts.
- Last night we got 7 inches.
- Open my package.
- Look what I found in Santa’s sack!
- On New Year’s Eve, I saw the ball dropped
Bonus: Pen-is broken, use finger instead. 🙂
And many many more.
I am not making fun of Andy. As a matter of fact, I am fond of him. He’s such a good sport.
Even I will not be able to keep a straight face if I were to say those phrases in front of my friends who think like Andy. Even if i try to focus harder, if one gives a smirk, i will surely lose my cool.
I know there’s nothing wrong with nuts, or balls, or even bananas. It just so happened that these words were used to replace some scientific terms. Not only that, they were wrongly used for fun.
When I was younger, i was taught to say the P word and the V word, not something else to make them sound pleasing. So what’s wrong with Penis and Vagina? I never used the term banana or hotdog or twat to refer to genitalias… then.
But when I grew older, I learned the art of using the slang terms. And most of the time words do not mean what they really mean. Thanks to the Internet. I never consulted Mr. Webster, it’s just always the Urban Dictionary.
And it helped me learn new vocabularies wrongly. Nevertheless, I learn the generation’s language.