Totally Spy

Sharing the same room with a younger sibling is both annoying and fun. I totally despise the fact that I don’t have a room of my own. But recently, I discovered something about my sister that caught my attention.

For the past few months, my younger sister has been staying on my parents room and to my surprise, when I went home for the weekend, she sneaked into our room late that night. Of course I kept the door unlock just in case she wants to share the room with me.

I woke up at 11pm because I felt the need to pee. I overheard her conversation with somebody on her cellphone. I was kind of groggy but it was very clear to me that I have heard a guy’s voice. I didn’t want to listen to their conversation but since I found that incident very interesting, I pretended the whole time that I was asleep but the truth is I was just listening keenly.

It was the first time I heard her speak like that, as if she’s going to eat the guy alive. She’s been the bubbly, always kidding around type of sister, but when it came to the guy, she was silent. She was just listening the whole time. What is clear to me is that something strange is going on. The guy was apologizing to her and all she said was ok and she told the guy that she was running out of battery. You know if she didn’t want to talk to the guy, she could just decline the call in the first place. I thought she already ended the call because she left her phone on the bed and went out of the room. To my surprise, she came back bringing her charger and spoke to the guy again. I was like, what the heck is going on?

And they continued talking and she asked the guy that she already want to sleep because it’s 12. Yeah, I listened to their one hour conversation trying hard not to pee on the bed. LOL. After she dropped the call, I pulled out the best actress, just woke up face, I’m too sleepy but I need to get to the bathroom act. I walked in zigzags as if i’m out of balanced but the truth is I was wide wide awake. I rushed to the bathroom and released that yellow liquid. ROFL. It’s nice to pee at midnight because you really don’t know what you are about to discover.

I was uneasy the whole night because I knew I needed to tell my bff about that. He is the first person that pops on my mind when I discover very intriguing things.  I wanted to give him a call rightaway but I didn’t because primarily, he wouldn’t wake up, secondly, my sister is still awake and texting. He would love what I will tell him. He likes it when I tell him about my family. I was totally excited.

So I spied on my sister. I know what I did was wrong but I was really really curious. She took a nap but she left her phone on the living room. I checked her call logs and I saw this unfamiliar name. I never heard of the guy’s name until now. I was not interested on her inbox, what caught my attention was her messages on sent box. And I laughed out loud when I saw her message for the guy, CCd to herself… Lots of curse. I mean lots and lots of curse for the guy. And I was like, my younger sister has a dirty little secret!

What is clear to me is that the guy poked fun at my sister and she, in return, wanted to hit the guy harder. If I just know the real happening, that would be real EPIC. She’s my sister after all, considering the curses. That is so me.

Instead of pitying her for what the guy did, I just made fun of the situation. My sister is tough, I know she can get through that heartbreak alive. The next morning, I was singing break up songs such as cry me a river and karma. You know, some kind of tease but she doesn’t give a shit about me making a playlist of heart breaker songs. She’s a good pretender. But I know she was hurt.

I wanted to know who the guy was so I searched his name. He was just the okay guy. Not handsome at all, does not look manly, very skinny, well actually he looks dumb… I am not being bias… These were all based on his posts.

He said he is a gamer and a player. Well obviously he is. He made fun of my sister. I am not just quite sure why he has a lot of followers. Compliments were all over his page and I was like, Okay. These people are not good judge of characters. They are praising the wrong guy.

I don’t like the guy. And I will never like him for my sister even if he kneels down on grains of salt or thumbtacks. No elder sister will enjoy watching her younger sister being played at by a stupid guy.

I am not really close with my sister and we do not talk about personal things especially relationships. If I did not overhear her, I will not have the slightest idea that she had a boyfriend or m.u. or whatever you call that. I maybe silent but I care. In fact I thought of making fun of the guy. I wanted him to take a dose of his own medicine. I am still considering it but for now, I will just let my sister do whatever she wants. I will wait for the day when she can avenge herself.

As the saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Guide to Life

Although you’re in the world of changes, it does not necessarily mean you have to change too. Live your own life, save your identity, and most especially follow your perspective.

God has made man in his image and likeness. They say that God is good and unique; therefore, every man is unique and every man is born with natural goodness.

People may find you weird. They may question your existence but do not let them influence your living. They will try to put you down. There will be endless pressures and they will try to stop you from doing what you have to do or from living who you want to be. But you have to live your own life. You solely know what will make you happy so you have to take the risk in order find genuine happiness.

“And up until now I had sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness… because none of it was ever worth the risk.”

I remembered hearing this song by the band Paramore. The song seems so intense as if written for a fall-guy who is already surrendering the battle for the nth time. It’s like everything seemed to fall apart, and people came and left him lonely.

But as the song continued with the line “but darling you are the only exception” you will soon realize the mellifluous message of having something worth taking the risk.

Isn’t it nice to have something that will force you to accept the challenge and I call it “pressure”? The exception that will supersede the fear of losing the battle.

But when I say pressure, I do not necessarily refer to a particular person. It can be something of value. Something that stands as a reason for you to engage in the venture.

I’ve experienced a lot of downfalls but my pressure compels me to just keep going. I have no idea of the consequences that await me, surreal at it may sound, and I know everything will be rewarded.

Juxtapose reality and dream, and counterbalance pain with gain. You have to use your pressure and it will sustain you. You have to know that life is a suspense movie, not a fairy-tale. Managing the risks that accompany it will make life more exciting.

Spice up life with surprises and sweeten it with your pressure.

Be aware the in everything you do, there will always be an exception and consider this as an enough reason for you to continue your expedition. Live free, life is precious.

There will always be gossips… but you should never be affected, hence, be thankful because those prove that you are existing. Remember, cheap talks are also parts of publicity. Bullshit as it may seem but that’s reality. People are people, wordy but seldom witty.

Oftentimes, you’ll be in the center zone of an insane world. Zits, hormones, pressures, crises, experiences that will surely perplex an innocent mind. You will sometimes be moved by these, but hold on to your principles, remember who you are and who you should be, and who you want to be.

You will feel tension when it comes to making decisions. Which is right and which is wrong. What is right for you may not be right for others. You may find it complicated but what’s crucial is the fact that you are making decisions out of your own effective and sound judgment. Best efforts exerted and selfless consideration given.

Respect if you want to be respected. Do not cross the line. People are born with differences. Know your difference, know your boundary. Do not expect everybody to ride with your jokes. Not everybody is entertaining, not everybody is happy-go-lucky. Not everybody is jackass. Remember the word difference and give due respect. What you give is what you get… oftentimes.

It is okay to say “I do not care” sometimes, if that’s the only way to teach independence. But never fail to show those important to you that you do care in your own ways.

Everyone is interconnected, thus, interdependent. But do not be too dependent on someone who you will submit everything to him. Submission to someone will never be right. Find a person who will motivate you and inspire and walk with you in your journey. God is the creator and you’re the creation. Walk your path in accordance to his wills. Be independent, but, not too self-centred.

Do not wish hatred on someone. You may be liked, you may be hated but being sarcastic is not an option. Always do well on others, even if they hurt you. It’s up to them to realize your worth. Goodness is a virtue… you cannot love everybody. But you can at least be good to them. I know this is hard but at least you can try, much better to act on it. There’s no try, it’s just do or don’t.  I will not lie, I have been trying not to hold grudge on people and it really challenges me.

Leave your footprints. Create your mark. Everyone is capable in doing so. Remember that you are given a unique name. And you have to use this name in making a difference. Name means identity. Everyone is entitled of individual identity. God gave life, you are an INDIVIDUAL, blessed and given dominion. Be thankful. God is good.

So simple to say yet hard to execute. The challenge here is to create your own guidelines. Create and live on them. 🙂

FackenSheetAsk

Fuck. My bestfriend’s expression when he is annoyed.

Fucking Shit. My bestfriend’s expression when he is mad.

Fucking Shit Ass. My bestfriend’s expression when he is livid, incoherent-with-rage, absolutely-outraged, maenad-like, white-hot, maniacally-enraged, ernraged, furious, mad, angry. LOL.

I was really upset when I told him about what happened in our house a while ago when he blurted his Fucking Shit Ass expression. I ain’t gonna lie, it absolutely made my day. Though I know he was really furious, I couldn’t help but laugh.

It’s not very common that he will curse over something but when he does, it just means that his emotions are extreme. How did I know? I just know because we get to talk every single day.

Actually, we were not really best friends at first. We were friends then we became more than friends. And whoever said that boyfriends and girlfriends cannot become best friends, I’ll prove you wrong.

I am not going to write the details of how we met or what happened in our relationship. I will just try to introduce my loving best friend to you.

You will never find someone like him in every million years. He is not the typical guy you will meet on the streets.

He doesn’t like going out. One time we talked about doing an article or a project about the Advantages of Being an Introvert. We are both introverts. But he is the more introvert one. In fact, I am the one who always tells him to go out and buy his food. And he will get depressed because he doesn’t really like going out. Sometimes he will just settle on crackers. But good thing he improved lately. LOL. He manages to get himself out of his hideout.

He works at 1, 2 or 3am when in fact he’s got the whole day to spend. I always wonder why does he need to get up at 3 when he could just do his task at 6. He is one of the most workaholic person you will ever meet. He works 14-16 hours a day, sometimes he asks for over-overtime. I cannot imagine myself working my ass off longer than 8 hours. How could he? LOL. He’s a superhuman.

He spends an hour on every meal. (when i, on the other hand, could finish my meal in 5 minutes). Sometimes he will extend his breaktime for another 10 minutes because he isn’t done yet. But I have no objections.

He likes to tease. Since we talk with each other a lot, he will always make fun of me. He even made up stories about me marrying this guy, or this girl dying because she is sick (He is just exaggerating, the girl’s really not dying), or this girl seeking for revenge, or this girl who is according to him my girlfriend. LOL. I always become the subject of fun.

He makes up his own song then he will accuse me of cheating. We always play this one game. I will start a song and he will continue singing another song but given, he will use the last word of the song I sang. Since he’s good in music, he will make up his own lyrics and I on the other hand will fall into his trap. LOL. I really cannot distinguish if the song is real or not until he laughs.

He always tells me that “porke hindi mo alam, hindi na totoo” (He is like saying me that I should stop being judgmental, that this is not always true: Not being aware of the existence of something renders it unreal) everytime he tells me about a certain breed of fish or flower. But he will always tell me at the end of the game that he just really created those breeds out of his imagination.

He tells me I am a guy and that I should stop acting like a girl. (But I am a girl. LOL)

He likes singing… he likes it bigtime. He says if ever he will be reincarnated, he will wish to become a singer.

He says he is boring but he really isn’t. He is actually fun and playful.

As you can see, I love my best friend a bunch that I am actually making an entry about him. It’s rare that you will find a person who will actually see the ugly side of you but will stay and love you even at your worst.

Here’s the serious part:

Though we ended up as best friends and not lovers, I can say that my relationship with you was the best so far. Even if you never liked the fact that I am calling you my boyfriend (and we broke up last year) and you know how i feel about you, you never failed to show me how important I am to you.

You get jealous of my other best friends and I find that pretty cute but I can assure you that you are the only person who showed me the real meaning of being a “Best Friend”. You are the only person who stayed on my darkest hours. You know all my agonies. You know my imperfections but you didn’t hate me for that. You are still the person I met 3 years ago, you did not change a bit.

You let me enter into your world. The world which is restricted to humans. LOL. But seriously, even if you have trust issues, you still gave me the chance to get to know the real you. I am grateful for the times you shared your life with me. I appreciate that a lot.

You shared with my joys and pains. You even cursed Fucking Shit Ass. (Can’t get over it) You know how much I love you right? Rest assured I will share in your joys and pains as well. Cry harder and Hit harder. LOL.

You’re my best friend for eternity. Cross my heart and hope to die. Ill be here for you always. 🙂

Unspoken Words

I have been thinking about my fears earlier this morning and I thought of one thing that is quite ironic. I am certain that I am not afraid of death but what I can’t stand is those irregular patterns of holes. I watched a 3 minute video clip and as soon as I saw the third photo, I began to itch and I felt so sick. I wasn’t able to finish the whole clip. No matter how I try to conquer that fear, I really can’t. Everytime I attempt to stare at something with holes, I just end up looking away. Weird that the thought of holes make me feel so sick but the thought of dying is like just a normal thing for me.

If there are things in life that are inevitable, that would be changes, taxes and death. I have been taxed a lot, I have experienced changes a lot, but death, not yet, obviously. But I have told myself a lot of times that one of these days, I will die. I just don’t know when, how will i die, and why. But I am not afraid of dying, what I am afraid of is dying without being able to accomplish anything and not being able to tell people what I want to tell them.

Lately, I have been thinking of what I have been doing for the past 20 years. I know I never lived perfectly and I didn’t do well in a lot of things. I have hurt people in the past. I have made enemies and friends. I have been hating a lot. Yup. Damn. If heaven and earth were real, I am somewhere in between.

I am not the type of person who does well when it comes to speaking. When I was in high school, I did speeches for my classmates but there were also times when I read my own speech. I do not have stage fright. I’m okay when it comes to delivering speeches with or without copy. What I am not really okay with is those, heart to heart talks… Everyday conversation.

I am one of those people who weren’t blessed with a friendly face. I do not have the natural charm. LOL. I don’t think I am the type of person whom you will start a conversation with when you see me at the mall. I just don’t know how to make myself look friendly cause in reality, I really am not. I am not antisocial, I just don’t know how to deal with people.

Yeah I have made friends but you know in every circle there will always be that one who just listens. I am that person in the circle. Even in our family, I am the one who doesn’t really speak up. I shared the same room with my auntie during college but she doesn’t really know my thoughts because it is very seldom that I tell her. A lot of words unspoken and I do not really know how to express myself. So maybe, I will just write this entry to share all my thoughts and to tell people what I want to tell them through the letter below.

Dear All:

First of all, I want to say that this is not a suicide letter and I am not dying yet.

It’s known to you that suppression is my main problem; that I am not vocal when it comes to my opinions; that speaking is my waterloo. But I found a partner through writing. So let me begin,

Dearest parents, I know you never expected me to grow up like this. I was once the daughter who will always obey you in everything. When I was younger, I couldn’t even pick the clothes I will be wearing for the school program. You made me wear those pink skirts and gowns though I didn’t want to. There are countless times when I sobbed because I didn’t like my hairstyle and I couldn’t do anything about it. You decided where will I study my high school even though I expressed my wanting to enter the rival school. I wanted to shift courses but you did not allow me even though I felt inferior because I couldn’t stand the pressure on the class. I traveled 4 hours back and forth from school to our house even though I could just live with my grandmother who lives near the university because you wanted me to. I did not have the right to object because simply, I am still under your custody.

There were times when you called me crazy and stupid and you asked me to leave the house because I fell in love on my 19s. I was expecting that you will understand my situation because you have been there but you made me feel like you don’t trust my decision. You reprimanded me, confiscated my phone, and pressured me to break up with him. You told me once that I am the mere reason why my younger brother entered a second class university. As if it was my fault that we were broke those times and as if I am happy that my brother is suffering the consequences. You gave me the guilt feelings that I shouldn’t be having and remember what I told you? I told you that if you asked me to switch places with my brother, I would. I was crying then cause the guilt feeling was overwhelming.

I expected you to understand me because I am your daughter and you raised me. But yeah, I shouldn’t be expecting anything.

Now that I am working, I thought I will be free to make my own decisions but at the end of the day, it’s you who make decisions for me because apparently, you know my weakness. You know even if I still feel bad, I cannot just simply ignore you. Money isn’t a problem. I just don’t like it when you pressure me a lot and when you text me during payday without even asking me if i ate my supper last night. I am not asking for gratitude or acknowledgment. All I want is peace and quiet and understanding that I am human too. I also get tired.

You ask me to do chores on my rest days. I am not lazy, you know that. I am tired from work. You don’t know how much I want to quit my job but because you are expecting me to pay for the bills, I cannot just simply do it. I don’t have a family of my own but I am poorest in our family because the majority of my income goes to the household bill. But no matter how much I feel bad about everything, I still go home because this is where I belong to. I have the outmost respect for you. And I will always thank you for parenting me. We might have endless arguments but I am still your daughter and you will always be the best parents for me. Maybe I am not the one you wanted me to be but at the end of the day, you can still count on me.

Dearest friends who weren’t there for me when I needed them the most. Thank you for being a part of my life but you can all fuck off. I am grateful that you shared with me the happiest days of my life but I don’t really need people who will be there when I am HAPPY. Remember the times when you will ask me to do you a favor and I will just say yes and those times when I am not present during the happy hours but I am the only present when you’re super down? I am not trying to make you feel bad, but yes, sort of. But I learned. Do not contact me because I will not respond to you. I need fake ones. Don’t worry, I have found the real ones. Nevertheless, I am thankful that we crossed our paths. Because of you I have learned how to distinguish those authentic from those who aren’t. Have a great life!

To my bestfriend who never failed to listen to my endless whinings. Thank you. If there’s one person to whom I will always be grateful to, it’s you. I know I give you stress always whenever I will tell you about my problematic life to the point when you will curse, fuck, fucking shit, fucking shit ass. Now you know the contagion effect. LOL. You and me are alike. You are the only person I really can count to. Thank you for helping me express myself more. You even make speeches for me and train me. Though you had a hundred reasons to leave me, you didn’t and I will always be forever thankful that you are staying. You are the best bud I ever had. I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate you, but I really do.

I have a lot to say to you but I cannot just write them all here or else I will end up telling everything that happened. At the bottom of my heart and at the top of my lungs, I will be forever grateful that we crossed each other’s paths. You’re my batman!

To everybody I have met and made relationships (platonic, romantic et al) with, serious or not, I am thankful for the learning and the experiences, good or bad. To those who hate me, i don’t mind. Keep on hating. I don’t live to please you anyways. To those who made my life miserable, to those who caused me stress, I give you the middle finger but I am hoping that one day, we will be able to give each other a high five and for the people who love me, thank you. I am wishing you all a great life. Cheers!

Who is Jennifer Laude?

I have been hearing news about Jennifer Laude since Tuesday night and I wonder, who is this Jennifer Laude who’s trending not just on TVs but also in Social Media. So I have read articles about the above-mentioned thinking that the case will be a bit interesting.

Jennifer “Jerry” Laude is a transgender woman who was allegedly murdered by United States Marine, Private First Class Joseph Scott Pemberton last Saturday. They reportedly met at a nightclub and the marine did not know he (Jennifer) was transgender until they were alone together in a hotel room at the Celzone Lodge, where he (Jennifer) was found strangled to death shortly after.

Sigh. Another murder case that went huge because of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) issue. Protests have been arising from here to there. In fact, the case is a simple murder that went complicated because of the various factors such as gender and citizenship. Since the murderer is a US Citizen, under the Visiting Forces Agreement, the custody of the erring soldier stays with the Americans and the Philippines cannot do anything about it.

Personally, I do think that the case is just like the other murder cases. I just don’t get the point of making it trend worldwide. First and foremost, the root of the case is not about the gender of Jennifer. It was about the Fraud committed. I don’t think that the case has something to do with the LGBT so there’s no need to create a fuss about it.

Let’s say that you were the guy and you found out that the person you were hanging with, or let’s make it more intense, you slept with is a transgender, (I have nothing against transgenders) and you really had no idea, you will probably feel stunned right? It’s like you unknowingly slept with a guy. And what will be your first step, walk out of the door? Probably. Kick his ass? Probably. But in this case, it’s safe to say that the marine lost his control and he poured out his anger by strangling the transgender. Let’s not forget that when a person is mad, there are endless possibilities of the things that he could do.

I am not saying that the marine should be released, what I am pointing out is that both the victim and the murderer has a share in the murder. Both are victims and murderers on their own. (Not being literal)

Though the act was consensual, there was a mistake that was already committed beforehand. Jennifer was already engaged to his boyfriend. The issue is that he became unfaithful. If he treasured his relationship with his fiance, he would not be heading to the hotel with the marine, he would still be alive. The root is infidelity.

They met at the bar, most likely, they had a few drinks already. Jennifer had the chance to tell the marine that he is a transgender woman, but he didn’t. Maybe he was either afraid that the guy would stop hanging out with him if he finds out, or he really had the plan to trick the guy. And since he looked like a girl and they gave each other the eye, the marine grabbed the opportunity. The root is dishonesty. And even if the marine did not ask, he was still expected to tell the marine about him being a transgender. He concealed the fact that he is a man. He didn’t do anything about it so the marine was never suspicious. Sin of Omission. The death can be prevented if he was able to put his act together with decency and respect, first for himself, second respect to his fiance.

The marine found out that he is indeed transgender so he allegedly murdered Jennifer by strangulation. As if his manhood was robbed. Yes, he probably lost his head and I do think that his pride and ego were damaged, but still, he has no right to kill, whatever the reason may be. (Unless for self defense)

There are common social issues in this case that must be fixed. I am just frustrated that a lot fail to see the other side of the story. I feel sorry for the death of Jennifer and I feel sorry for the damaged pride of the marine. But to clear things, Jennifer being a transgender is not the real issue and transgenders are not the subject of discrimination and bullying in the Philippines. And we do not hate you for being a part of the LGBT. What the people condemn is the act and the indecent behavior that others show. (not limited to LGBT, but to all men and women)

All men are treated equally and justice sees no gender. The crime is rooted in the concealment of truth, robbery, sin of the flesh, and infidelity. Same reasons for other crimes committed by husband and wives, friends, classmates and strangers. Young and old, men and women, lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgenders.

Did Jennifer threaten to expose that the marine slept with him? Did the marine just simply kill Jennifer? Or was it just a BDSM play gone wrong? Nobody knows what really happened inside the hotel room so we have no right to judge and we cannot conclude.

The crime is open ended. What I am certain of is that both were victim of separate crime. One was tricked for a sexual act and one was murdered. And I must say that they are paying the price of their own crimes. I am hoping that justice will be served to those who really deserve it.

Together We Cry

I look tough in person. I am one of those not so friendly faces you will see walking on the street. I don’t look fragile but truth is I am one of those who become weak when it comes to those specials people in my life.

I asked a friend about her dislikes about me when I was 11. We were the closest so I was expecting her to have a short list, surprisingly, she sent me a 3 page text message. She described me as the numb and robot type of person, poker face, and as if she’s talking to a wall when she talks to me to name a few. And I wondered, how were we able to become friends? LOL.

Robot type of person. When i was in high school, yes. When I was not too attached to people. I did not like attachments then because the more you get close to the person, the more you become vulnerable to pain. But of course, that is inevitable. There will be a few who will trespass into your life and change you into something you weren’t or if not, bring out the you you’ve never shown anyone before.

I cannot remember the first time I shed a tear for anybody. It’s normal for me to cry when I get really hurt or mad. I am not the type of person who will break something or yell when I am frustrated. I will just hide somewhere and cry alone. And as far as I remember, I am not the type of person who will cry about something that has nothing to do with me. But things changed, I hate it but I was turned into someone who cries for others… on behalf of others.

The robot has become the crybaby. You know what I hate the most? I cannot even watch a touching movie with people around me. One time, I was watching Miracle in Cell No. 7 when my mother and my sister joined me. I was trying my best not to cry but I failed. My mother even asked me if I wanted a tissue or a towel for my tears. I was so embarrassed that I was the only one crying. I get teary when I am proud of someone or something, even when I just watch auditions on BGT or XFactor.

One time, I was reading at the same time chopping the vegetables. The main character died so I got teary again. But I still continued chopping the vegetable, when I reached the ending where the other character committed suicide, I stood up and went to the bathroom. I couldn’t stopped myself from crying and I even asked, “Why Kenji? Why?!” (I was pertaining to the guy who committed suicide in the story) I went out to the bathroom and continued chopping veggies with my eyes and my nose turned red. I know it’s crazy and I shouldn’t be wasting my tears about something I just read.

Sometimes I feel there’s something wrong about me. Maybe it’s me being attached. I get so attached that I unknowingly invested my feelings towards something or someone. But there are some instances where I appreciate this part of me. For example, when I hear the sad voice of my bff, I get sad as well. When he tells me his sad stories, I cry and he will ask me why. And I will tell him it’s because I get hurt and sad as well, when you are sad. I know it’s a weird way of making him feel that he is important to me. I don’t like it when I cry over something that is not about me, but since he is a special part of me, I know I will always cry for him. There are times when I just cried silently so he wouldn’t know but when I hear him cry, I sob. The effect on me is double. What’s funny is I still sob even when he is already done crying. It’s the contagion effect. It’s like I feel what he feels.

Crying is okay as long as we cry for the things that matter. Sometimes, it’s better to cry with someone first before telling him to cheer up. Crying doesn’t solve the problem but it helps you feel better afterwards. Sometimes, it will lessen the weight of the burden. Of course you cannot tell a person that everything’s okay when it isn’t really. It’s better to make him feel that you are willing to make him feel that you are there, ready to laugh and cry with him. That he is not ALONE and that it is okay to CRY. I believe that tears are more special than smiles. You can fake a smile for someone but it takes real emotions to shed a tear (unless you’re an actor, but you can always tell). So be thankful if someone sheds a tear for you, that only means that you matter, that you are loved.

Match Made in Heaven

“love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy. you expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. you expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. you expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. you expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. but that’s the thing. love isn’t a plan. it doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. love happens; and it is so incredibly messy. people around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. they can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. it’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. we can’t breathe the same way or function quite right without it.

love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. it’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. it isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. it’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. it’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. we are human beings. we don’t handle one another, and we can’t be handled. we are mutable creatures that need something different everyday. need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it’s not all for nothing. so no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be all right. it’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.

you have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. you’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that’s the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.”

There are no perfect creatures. There are no perfect individuals but two individuals can build a perfect relationship as if they are match made in heaven.

But what makes a relationship perfect? Is it the all day laughs, the romantic moments, or the Romeo and Juliet love story? Partly yes but as we all know that there are ups and downs in a relationship.

3 years. That’s how long I have loved my boyfriend. And for those years, I can say that we have seen some of the bests and the worsts about each other. We both know for sure that we are not perfect individuals, that we made mistakes in the past and at times we pissed each other off that we decided to separate ways.

There were times that we argued almost everyday about each other’s attitude. What’s funny is that after each fight, we will just talk and laugh about what the things that we argued about. For example:

1. Not waking up when the phone rings.

I easily get awaken by tones or vibrations. There was one time when I took a nap and I left my phone charging. It was on silent mode. Since it was plugged, the vibration automatically turned off. When I woke up, I saw about 3 missed calls so I tried to call my boyfriend back. He wasn’t answering. It was pretty late so I assumed he was already asleep. So I left a message.

When he answered, he was totally mad at me. And yeah, we broke up. But after all the explanations, we patched things up.

2. My repetitive questions.

He gets annoyed when I ask the same thing over again. (Of course that’s pretty annoying) Sometimes, I tend to forget that I have already asked him. Another is when I don’t understand what he is telling me. It’s a shame but I always have my deaf or slow poke moments. He doesn’t like it when he tells the same thing cause he gets easily tired… talking.

3. Waiting

Who doesn’t hate waiting? I remember the first time that he got really mad at me and he asked for a break up. I went to the shower and I told him that I will be back the soonest. One hour is not soon, what more is two hours? Yeah. I made him wait for two hours without sending him a message. When I got back and tried to call him, he wouldn’t pick up the phone. And you know what he said?

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Let’s break up.”

And I was like, “whaaaaaaat?”

Of course he waited, what would I expect. Then I tried to explain to him what happened. He did not want to listen but when I told him what I did, the main reason why it took me that long, he paused and he started laughing. And yeah, everything turned out fine. as if nothing happened.

4. Demi Lovato and Christina Grimmie

He loved both. He didn’t like it when I told him about him about Demi punching a back up dancer or when I told him that he could just watch Grimmie on The Voice on youtube the next day (cause we often sleep at 8 or 8:30 and The Voice airs at 9). I know that he’s happy when he watches The Voice but it was kinda late so I suggested the replay. He got annoyed and he felt like I am preventing him to watch Grimmie. LOL. But I really didn’t, I was just concerned about him staying up late (than the usual). So there I was like the barricade between my boyfriend and Grimmie. It was kind of cute but I am a little jealous.

5. The Static, the Choppy and the No Signal – Reception

There are things that are out of my control such as the phone reception. There was one time when we argued about the static line and i reported at least 5 times on the hotline about the prevailing problem. We weren’t able to talk for days because of the interventions and it got into our nerves. So we installed a Voip application just to get through the problem… But there were delays and phone calls were hideous. He got mad and I got mad too, so i blurted,

“I don’t have control over everything. It’s as if I can do something about it… It’s out of my reach”

But after a while, we reconciled and waited for the lines to be fixed and made up for the loss time.

As you can see, we argue to the most petty things. And of course, there were also serious issues that tested our relationship but I am not going to post them here. It’s crazy but it’s fun whenever we will talk about these fights.

Things didn’t always work the we wanted them to but the good thing about us is that we didn’t really make an image of each other in our heads… We didn’t expect anything at all so everything came as a surprise. Adjusting isn’t an easy thing especially those times when we were still too different. The adjustment period took time but when we finally met halfway, that was the time when I knew that we were match made in heaven.

I cannot say that each day we spent was full of romance because you know, we like it more when we play. We weren’t as romantic as Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose. We were simply Nyna and Mite. I cannot also say that our relationship is always the bed of roses but I can assure that he gives me the kiss from a rose. Sometimes we yell at each other, sometimes we give each other the silent treatment. There were words unspoken and acts unacted upon. There are flaws in our relationship, it is odd when we fight over the littlest or the most unusual thing but I think it’s one reason why we have been together this long. We know for sure that this is not a movie and there’s no way we can assure a happy ending. But who cares? At one point we might get fed up at each other, or might get tired each other’s voices but that’s the magic of it. Love is a risk and you will never know what you are gonna get unless you let yourself be intoxicated by it.

It is scary… But when you find your perfect match, everything will be worth it.

My boyfriend isn’t perfect, I ain’t perfect but we complement each other and we make each other happy in such ways that we weren’t expecting at all. For me, that’s beyond perfect.

One Thing You Can’t Recycle Is Wasted Time

One thing I have learned from my boyfriend was to respect the time of other people. It was something that we have argued about in the past.

When I was younger, I was guilty of having VIP moments, getting to school 15 minutes late, meeting my friends at 9:30 which is supposedly at 9 or getting down for flag ceremonies when it’s nearly done. I really didn’t mind whatever they said about me then.

But when I entered my high school, I learned the value of time. I was sent to the Prefect of Discipline a lot of times for being late and there were times when the latecomers were not allowed to enter their first subject, so a lot of times, i was absent for the first subject.

Since I and my brother attended the same school and he always wakes up pretty late, we always rushed to get to school before the bell rings. And it’s pretty annoying.

We are interconnected. I will always affect people directly or indirectly in whatever I do.

My working hours start at 9 am and I make it a point to get to the office at 9. I am working flexible hours. If I arrive at 9:10, then I will compensate the ten minutes late in the afternoon. But even so, i always see to it that I arrive at 9.

I hate it when people come late when they have appointments. I don’t care if they are my friends, my boss, or my family. There are no exceptions.

For example, there was one time that we were supposed to meet at 5 in the afternoon and they arrived at 6:30. I came all the way from my parent’s house to the meeting place which took me more than an hour travel. I was expecting them to arrive on time or if not, 15-20 minutes late. I mean, I won’t mind if they tell me beforehand that they will come late, I could adjust to that. I was there, sitting idly, already finished with my meal and my phone’s battery was already draining. I was supposed to be at home at 8 for dinner but since they came late, I had my dinner alone in the house. There was a direct effect on me. If I were at home during that one and a half hour, I could have fixed my room and stuffs already.

Another, I was alone in the office when someone knocked on the door. As far as I remembered, I didn’t have an appointment that day and my boss didn’t mention about having a visitor. So I asked her, (since I’ve never seen the person before) who is she looking for. She told me she has an appointment with my boss at 11. She was told to visit the office at 11.

I checked the time and it was 11 quarter. So I called my boss and asked him about the matter. She confirmed and she said she will be arriving soon. I told the lady to just wait inside.

It was already 11:45 and my boss hasn’t arrived yet. I was becoming more uncomfortable because the lady kept asking me about my boss’ whereabouts. Honestly, I didn’t have an idea. At 12 noon, I can see that she was becoming impatient and I was hungry too but I can’t take my break yet because I cannot leave her alone in the office.

I also hate it when I am in the middle of a transaction and I don’t receive quick response especially if it is in the middle of a negotiation. I always check my mail when I am aware that I have an urgent business transaction. As much as possible, I will reply as soon as I get the mail. Or if I cannot reply at the moment, I will just leave an “acknowledging receipt”, “I’ll get back to you” message just to give him the security that I have received the mail. I hate it when people will reply 5 hours late without just reason. It’s like me waiting for the sun to rise at 1 in the morning. When it is a business transaction, you should never ever make your business partner (be it a client or a boss or a freelancer) wait. That’s very unprofessional. Or else it will give him the impression that you are not really interested in the business and he can simply get rid of you.

I don’t like people who make other people wait. Surely, I was once one of them but I already learned. It’s not as if they will always tolerate you for wasting their time.

One trait that we all should possess is punctuality. Remember, time is not recyclable so we should make use of it wisely. And in whatever you do, you will affect other people. The world doesn’t revolve around you and their time is as important as yours. Don’t act as if you own all the time in the world, you might not be aware but you’re not just ruining your plans but the plans of the people around you as well. It’s okay if you want to waste your time but make sure that the effect on other people is very minimal or tolerable. But either way, it’s still unacceptable.

As for me, I already got rid of that bad habit. And I never practiced the VIP thing again. Since I know that there will always be people who will not grow from that and those who grew tired of that habit, I just have pieces of advice:

1. Never tell people to arrive at 5 when you don’t intend to meet them at 5.

2. Tell them beforehand if you are going to be late. Don’t let them call you first. If possible, call an hour before.

3. Always take note of your appointments. Review them over and over again so you will not miss one.

4. Check your email and phone every now and then if you are expecting a message. If you are busy, tell them beforehand and get back to them as soon as possible.

5. In case of emergency (life and death) or urgent situation, and you can’t give them a call, at least ask someone to call on your behalf.

6. Traffic Jam isn’t an excuse, so is not waking up to the alarm, whatever your reason is for being late, unless it is about life and death, it is deemed an excuse. Wake up early and move quickly.

7.  Lastly, Be careful who and what you invest your time in. Nothing is worst than wasted time. It’s the one thing you can’t get back.

“People who are chronically tardy never understand the many ways in which they screw up the schedules of people who are punctual and ‘normal’…”

Cheers!

#amazing #makeuptransformation #by #pochoy_29

#Makeuptransformation has been entertaining people on social media for quite a while now. I have seen the best, the funny, the entertaining and the okay ones but to date, Paolo Ballesteros’ make up transformations posts have been one of the bests, if not the best. Articles about the 31 year old TV Host-Actor have been circulating not only in the Philippines but also in some other countries such as the USA and Canada.

I am not a big fan but to witness his stardom from a quiet, shy type host to an actor comedian and impersonator to a social media star, i think that’s quite huge and it does make me feel happy for his achievement. He’s been making news lately and so far, all were good.

I find it pretty amazing that he is being recognized worldwide. What’s is more amazing is that he does his own make up and it’s not all a product of photoshop. Not many people know that he is the grandson of the great painter Fernando Amorsolo. So now we know where the talent came from.

Going back to his achievements. I’m sure it is overwhelming on his part to receive such attention but as we all know, it will not always be good reviews and feedbacks, there will be haters and bashers. I pity those people who are criticizing his work, calling him f*ggot and stuff and accusing him of using photoshop, I pity them for not appreciating what talent is. I pity them for being such jealous dumb*sses who think they are way better. Skills are innate. Not everyone can do what he does. P.S. I’ve read somewhere that he is colorblind. Beat that.

I just read an article about his make up transformations in Yahoo Canada this afternoon and I am actually happy about the article posted recognizing his talent. What I did not like are the hateful comments and the never ending “Proud be to a Filipino” or “I am a Proud Filipino” phrase which is becoming so obnoxious. There’s nothing wrong to be proud, in fact i am encouraging people to be proud of their own skin, but to blurt it out without any just reason is a little off.

Unfortunately, that phrase created commotion on the comment section and it is sick that the supposedly happy on behalf of Paolo readers attacked one another. Y’all spoiled the fun. Why don’t you just enjoy the article itself?

Alam ko Pinoy si Paolo pero hindi iyon ang dahilan para ipagsigawan na Proud Filipinos tayo. Hindi naman siya sumikat kasi Pinoy siya, sumikat siya kasi may kakayahan siya, nagkataon lang na Pinoy siya.

(I know Paolo is a Filipino but it’s not a reason to stress out that we are Proud Filipinos. He did not gain stardom because he’s merely a Filipino, he gained stardom because he is talented, it just so happened that he is a Filipino.)

What’s annoying is the wrong notion about the Filipino and talent thing. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are talented because you are a Filipino. That’s what other people perceive whenever they see that “I am a Proud Filipino” phrase. I know, as a Filipina, that Filipinos have exceptional talent, be it singing, acting, or it terms of arts, but we should not make it over the top. One more thing, what I have observed is that oftentimes, a person will be acknowledged not merely because of his achievements but because of his blood… Filipinos will only acknowledge other Filipinos when they learn that they have the blood of being a Filipino. (e.g. Charice, she has been left unacknowledged until she appeared on the Ellen and Oprah Show and became a worldwide star. She wasn’t on the spotlight and only a few recognized her talent. But when she came back in the Philippines, she has become an instant celebrity and the contagion effect struck again, Filipinos taking credit of the Pride thing.)

I am proud of Paolo, not as a Filipino, but as a person who appreciates art and talent. I have been watching him on their variety show for years and I have seen him grow. I know he deserves more than the attention he is deserving now and I am really hoping that he gets featured on Ellen. That would mean so much to him and his career.

He is a heck of a talented guy. ELLEN PLEASE FEATURE THIS BRILLIANT GUY. 🙂

This is the first and the last time I will make a blog about a celebrity. This is a link to his instagram profile. You can check his amazing makeuptransformations: http://instagram.com/pochoy_29

3 Day-Freedom and A Thought

While I am working so hard finishing my task until I can’t even type 30 words per minute anymore because I was darn tired, my boss was there reading articles about fashion statements. And I thought, What’s it like to be a boss?

Working 9-5 is not really tiring if I will focus on what my job really is but since there’s no need to do accounting everyday, and we outsource people to do the documents, I will just sign transmittals when they are done and prepare the financial statements at the end of each month.

I started working for this company last year and I opted not to sign any contract. Everything was verbal. Technically, I can just quit anytime because there’s no contract that binds me and the company, no signature affixed and no terms agreed upon. Everything was planned well. But due to some circumstances, I am literally trapped and I couldn’t just easily quit this job.

Lately, I have been working with things that aren’t supposedly done by me. For example, typing and editing of forms not related to accounting. At first, it was just okay because it doesn’t happen always. And they haven’t found an encoder yet. But recently, they made me do more than a hundred attachments… THE FUCK. Sales is okay, but forms, not part of accounting documents, are not. It’s not part of the accountant’s job. Never seen such a task on the job description… to date.

I know there are no terms agreed upon but I am starting to think that they are being too dependent on me to the point that they see me like a secretary and sometimes a sales agent. It’s like me having multiple personality disorder, playing various roles. There is so much going on that everything is falling apart worst was when I did a report the night before the submission, or else the company will be penalized for submitting late. Today while I am writing this entry, my fingers are still a little numb from yesterday’s encoding.

Last time I mentioned my CPA batch mates being slaves of their bosses and I realized that I am no other like them. In my assessment, I think I am worse. At least they don’t get phone calls and emails late at nights or early in the morning. Lots of times I would get out of the bathroom dripping wet because my phone would ring. Of course I had to check immediately because I would not want to miss an urgent call.

My mom had a point when she asked me about being a CPA. She just didn’t deliver the message in a manner that I will understand. But she isn’t right because either I am a CPA or not, I will still have a boss. The only difference is when I become a successful CPA, serving the public or working for the government, I will get higher salaries. In my status, I can only work for private companies. It’s fortunate if I will find a private company that will match the benefits provided by government agencies. Nevertheless, private or public, I will still have a boss.

I understand that the upcoming Monday is a holiday and I thank the good heavens for that. Long weekend to regain my energy, and think about what do i really want to do with my life.

All i did was complain about my job and I myself is getting tired of it as well. Whining over things that I cannot change at present will not help at all.

So back to my question, what’s it like to be a boss?

I honestly don’t know what’s it like since I am not, obviously but what I have in mind is “what kind of boss I will be” in the future.  I am not losing hope that one day I will become one.

If i were the owner of a company, I will make sure that everything is aligned. Every member of my staff has his own particular task to do. I don’t want overlapping jobs. If an employee is in the sales team, he will work the in the “sales” and if he is in the administration, he will be working administrative jobs. They applied for a particular position, so let them work in the position they really fit in.

I will make sure that I can do a piece of everything. I don’t want to be someone who does not even know how to scan documents or photocopy files. I will not leave everything to my secretary, if I will hire one. Employees are not robots, if i can do it myself, i will just do it myself.

I will train with my own employees so I can understand the happenings inside the company. What’s wrong with other bosses is that they don’t understand how things escalate from the the lower to the topmost management. Sometimes, they will just look at the overview. I know there will be manager and I got to learn to trust them, but I will need to see it myself. I don’t want an overview, I want every bit of details.

I will never ever call my employee before or beyond working hours. My employees have their own lives outside of the company and I don’t want them to lose work-life balance. I know the feeling of working at nights and on weekends. Also, I know the thoughts of an employee when the bosses would ruin their rest days. I don’t want my employees to consider me a crap for messing with their personal lives.

I will work as hard as my employees do. I know I am lazy but I am not inconsiderate. I know they will work primarily for money but I want them to feel that sometimes, work isn’t just about money. I want them to feel that their efforts are recognized. Plus, I want them to feel that I am not just sitting pretty inside my office. If they work their asses of, I do too. Rest assured that I will give my 200%.

I am an employee so I know how it feels to work for bosses. So when I become the boss, I will make my employees feel like they are working not for me, but for the company that treats employees the bosses of their own.