“love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy. you expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. you expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. you expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. you expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. but that’s the thing. love isn’t a plan. it doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. love happens; and it is so incredibly messy. people around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. they can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. it’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. we can’t breathe the same way or function quite right without it.
love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. it’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. it isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. it’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. it’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. we are human beings. we don’t handle one another, and we can’t be handled. we are mutable creatures that need something different everyday. need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it’s not all for nothing. so no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be all right. it’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.
you have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. you’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that’s the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.”
There are no perfect creatures. There are no perfect individuals but two individuals can build a perfect relationship as if they are match made in heaven.
But what makes a relationship perfect? Is it the all day laughs, the romantic moments, or the Romeo and Juliet love story? Partly yes but as we all know that there are ups and downs in a relationship.
3 years. That’s how long I have loved my boyfriend. And for those years, I can say that we have seen some of the bests and the worsts about each other. We both know for sure that we are not perfect individuals, that we made mistakes in the past and at times we pissed each other off that we decided to separate ways.
There were times that we argued almost everyday about each other’s attitude. What’s funny is that after each fight, we will just talk and laugh about what the things that we argued about. For example:
1. Not waking up when the phone rings.
I easily get awaken by tones or vibrations. There was one time when I took a nap and I left my phone charging. It was on silent mode. Since it was plugged, the vibration automatically turned off. When I woke up, I saw about 3 missed calls so I tried to call my boyfriend back. He wasn’t answering. It was pretty late so I assumed he was already asleep. So I left a message.
When he answered, he was totally mad at me. And yeah, we broke up. But after all the explanations, we patched things up.
2. My repetitive questions.
He gets annoyed when I ask the same thing over again. (Of course that’s pretty annoying) Sometimes, I tend to forget that I have already asked him. Another is when I don’t understand what he is telling me. It’s a shame but I always have my deaf or slow poke moments. He doesn’t like it when he tells the same thing cause he gets easily tired… talking.
3. Waiting
Who doesn’t hate waiting? I remember the first time that he got really mad at me and he asked for a break up. I went to the shower and I told him that I will be back the soonest. One hour is not soon, what more is two hours? Yeah. I made him wait for two hours without sending him a message. When I got back and tried to call him, he wouldn’t pick up the phone. And you know what he said?
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Let’s break up.”
And I was like, “whaaaaaaat?”
Of course he waited, what would I expect. Then I tried to explain to him what happened. He did not want to listen but when I told him what I did, the main reason why it took me that long, he paused and he started laughing. And yeah, everything turned out fine. as if nothing happened.
4. Demi Lovato and Christina Grimmie
He loved both. He didn’t like it when I told him about him about Demi punching a back up dancer or when I told him that he could just watch Grimmie on The Voice on youtube the next day (cause we often sleep at 8 or 8:30 and The Voice airs at 9). I know that he’s happy when he watches The Voice but it was kinda late so I suggested the replay. He got annoyed and he felt like I am preventing him to watch Grimmie. LOL. But I really didn’t, I was just concerned about him staying up late (than the usual). So there I was like the barricade between my boyfriend and Grimmie. It was kind of cute but I am a little jealous.
5. The Static, the Choppy and the No Signal – Reception
There are things that are out of my control such as the phone reception. There was one time when we argued about the static line and i reported at least 5 times on the hotline about the prevailing problem. We weren’t able to talk for days because of the interventions and it got into our nerves. So we installed a Voip application just to get through the problem… But there were delays and phone calls were hideous. He got mad and I got mad too, so i blurted,
“I don’t have control over everything. It’s as if I can do something about it… It’s out of my reach”
But after a while, we reconciled and waited for the lines to be fixed and made up for the loss time.
As you can see, we argue to the most petty things. And of course, there were also serious issues that tested our relationship but I am not going to post them here. It’s crazy but it’s fun whenever we will talk about these fights.
Things didn’t always work the we wanted them to but the good thing about us is that we didn’t really make an image of each other in our heads… We didn’t expect anything at all so everything came as a surprise. Adjusting isn’t an easy thing especially those times when we were still too different. The adjustment period took time but when we finally met halfway, that was the time when I knew that we were match made in heaven.
I cannot say that each day we spent was full of romance because you know, we like it more when we play. We weren’t as romantic as Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose. We were simply Nyna and Mite. I cannot also say that our relationship is always the bed of roses but I can assure that he gives me the kiss from a rose. Sometimes we yell at each other, sometimes we give each other the silent treatment. There were words unspoken and acts unacted upon. There are flaws in our relationship, it is odd when we fight over the littlest or the most unusual thing but I think it’s one reason why we have been together this long. We know for sure that this is not a movie and there’s no way we can assure a happy ending. But who cares? At one point we might get fed up at each other, or might get tired each other’s voices but that’s the magic of it. Love is a risk and you will never know what you are gonna get unless you let yourself be intoxicated by it.
It is scary… But when you find your perfect match, everything will be worth it.
My boyfriend isn’t perfect, I ain’t perfect but we complement each other and we make each other happy in such ways that we weren’t expecting at all. For me, that’s beyond perfect.
In Pari Delicto 