Desired Things

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

I have been sneezing continuously for the last couple of days and now, i have a very bad cold. I pulled a tissue and wiped my eyes cause they feel really irritated. And I wonder, when was the last time I visited the doctor for a check up?

Unfortunately, I cannot remember. Ever since I started working, I noticed that I became really sickly. There’s not a month that I did not catch a flu or headache or stomachache. I have a very poor lifestyle. I have a very poor appetite.Since I moved into this apartment, i developed this bad eating habit. It’s unusual if I eat twice a day, it is always either lunch or dinner. It’s very seldom that I eat three meals a day. That only happens when I go home every weekend.

My job has stolen my life. Even on weekends, my mind is corrupted with my tasks for the following week. Whenever I check my mail, never it happened that I didn’t have any coming from my bosses. And since I don’t want a lot of pending tasks, I already start doing them gradually even on my supposedly rest days.

And i thought, is this really what I am going to do for the next years of my life? Though I am the type of person who looks like I have no direction in life, believe it or not, I had many and still have many aspirations in life.

It’s my parents’ (yeah PARENTS) birthday today. Instead of celebrating at home, I reported at the office because I was asked to. My parents didn’t mind but still, I feel bad cause I am the only one who isn’t there, celebrating with them. Anyway, I was at the office and my best friend asked me,

“What do you want to do in the long run?”

We have been continuously talking about our dreams and aspirations. It is one topic that we like sharing our thoughts with each other.

Couple of months ago, we started studying game development but I had a hiatus because my focus was dispensed at a lot of things, my job, my family, him, the case et cetera. He, on the other hand, was doing great at it. He is continuous and I can see that he really already learned a lot; that he already sees himself doing it in the long run.

He did not drag me into the gaming industry. He was the one who introduced me to it and it is my own will that I affiliated myself with the industry. And I thank him for that. I love the industry. I am not just really skilled at present and i cannot give my 100% focus on learning the craft.

So, what do i want to do in the long run? It’s a question I have been asking myself ever since I started working. I am not getting any younger and time flies fast.

There are a lot of things I am certain and I am not certain about. When i was a 10, I wanted to be a lawyer, but I pursued BS Accountancy. At my present job, I am exposed with jurisprudence and I am learning a lot. My best friend even told me that I can be a good lawyer. And I know that law has been one of my favorite subjects since then. But I am an accountant, though it wasn’t what i really wanted, i learned to love the craft as well. And when I was introduced into the world of games, I was thrilled. Though I lack the skills and the creativity, my mind keeps telling me to go ahead and give it a shot.

I am torn. I want all. But I only can really give the majority of my attention on one of the three and it’s my dilemma. I am not picking a course in college anymore, it’s real life already and it is moving fast.

Sometimes, I just want to ask my best friend to sit with me at the bar, drink beer and talk about the future. But I cannot find time for that especially now that I am doing stuffs simultaneously and he also is busy with his own tasks. I cannot even find time for myself. This is how my job has robbed me of my own life.

I always say that I dream of staying at the house, sitting lazily at the couch, watching television, worrying about nothing because I have all the resources I need. And who would not like that right? I always dream, but I realized that one thing is missing, i never acted upon it.

How do i turn this dream into reality? I wish it could be as easy as 1,2,3. If I could win the lottery, yeah maybe, I could live my dream but there’s no easy way. Hard work. At present, I am working hard. What I never did was WORK SMART.

Life is not easy and I have to make my decision. I am weighing my options and I know that in life, there’s no turning back. So what do I want to be, who am i going to be in the next years, how will i be the person i want to be? I don’t know. I cannot answer my queries overnight and I need time to think over it.

My best friend suggested not to rush things over and I have to take time thinking, a year maybe… But not later. And I know he’s right because I don’t have all the time in the world.

I am lucky that he is there to remind me of the things I am forgetting lately. Focusing on my career. Reflecting on myself.

The world is noisy and sometimes, my mind is tormented with everything, but at the end of the day, i should always learn to concentrate on the things that matter… MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. For I will only live once and i should design my life to the best that I can.