The funny thing about being in love is that you get those feelings you haven’t experienced before. You get addicted to it; you long for it. You enjoy every single minute of those unknown sensations that give chills down to your spine.
No matter how hard you try to stay into your senses, you just completely lose them. You tend to forget the person you were once before and you find yourself lost and confused, yet happy and whole.
You remember everything, the dates, the first kiss, the first laugh, the first song you sang together; you miss everything; all you know is that you’re happy when you’re with the person you love.
You can be selfish and selfless at the same time. You wake up at 3 am just to remind him to take his medication. You care so much about the person that sometimes you just want to take a day off while you’re in the middle of your work, to get to him, to prepare a meal for him. You wait for his messages late at night just to make sure that he’s doing well. You do the things that will make him happy such as learning his favorite songs and watching his favorite videos, posing crazy at the camera, singing at the top of your lungs even if you’re tone deaf… You do that not because you want to impress him… You do all these stuff because you know it will make him happy. You know that he will appreciate you for embracing his world… Seeing him happy leaves you in a happy state as well. His happiness is your happiness.
You tend to be selfish. You get jealous when he shares his time to other people. You get hurt when he gives his attention to someone else. You get pissed off when when doesn’t reply to your messages. Simply put, you get mad for not getting all his attention. You tend to forget the fact that his world doesn’t revolve around you. You’re just a part of it, you are not his world and you realize how stupid you were for acting that way because being selfish is not you. You get mad but hearing his voice wipes everything away, and there you are, back to the selfess person again.
You can’t help but stick your nose on everything even if you’re not needed. You do not realize that you’re slowly clinging yourself too much on him. You get curious about everything cause you want to know everything about him. His daily routine, the color of his shirt, the meal he had last night, you can’t help but ask him. You store everything on your mind and you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with him and you dream of doing stuff together in the future.
You can’t help but smile when the thought of him crosses your mind. You write your name and his name on a piece of paper and awkwardly smile for nothing. Your heart pounds when you receive a good morning message from him. It amazes you. It drives you crazy.
You hardly think about the thought of love. You ask yourself why did you fall for him that hard. Is it because he gives you time? Is it because he makes you feel you’re the most beautiful person in the world? Is it because you like the butterflies you get when he teases you and hugs you afterwards? Is it because he treats you differently?
I think about love. As much as I don’t want to, i can’t help but think about it. How did I fall for him that hard and why do I love him in the first place.
Love never ceases to amaze me. I know I love him but not because of selfish reason. I don’t love him because he gave me chills down my spine. I don’t love him because he makes me smile all the time. I don’t love him because he tells me things that I haven’t heard from my ex’s. I don’t love him because of how he makes me feel. I don’t love him because I feel good when he’s around.
If there’s a thing I learned about love is that it isn’t about you. It is about the other person. It’s his happiness over yours.
I do love him because he’s a good person, not because I turned into the good person I am today since I met him. I love him because he has a big heart for everyone, not just because he loved me. I love him not because he tells me he loves me and he means it, but because he loves the people around him too. I love him not because he makes my heart pound, but because he has the big heart. I love him because of how he feels and how he is and not because of how he makes me feel everytime.
I may not make sense but this is the love i know. Self giving, not self receiving; to give the best that I can, not to get the best out of him. True that he is out of my league and he’s far better, also, it is clear to me I don’t deserve a good man like him… but yeah, I’ll continue loving him anyway. 🙂
In Pari Delicto 