Cheers on the 28th Day of September

Dear M,

I am not sure if you will still be surprised that I made you this. You might not be expecting this at all or you might not appreciate this, I am not sure. I don’t really know if it is the right thing to do. But I cannot forget that today is a special day for you. I just want to greet you a happy birthday today. I will not just wish for a great day, but i am hoping for a great life ahead.

Today you are 23 and still doing great. You’re awesome in every aspect. Keep up the good work. I may have no idea how you look like, where are you from, or what your full name is, I might not be able to know the basics about you at all, but I am certain that I have seen a part of you that nobody else did.

You know you are loved not because you are ideal, but because you are a good person to everybody; to your friends, to your significant other, even to strangers and most especially to your family. You share your heart to them and you’re willing to give them a part of you. You are willing to listen and to help when your hero syndrome kicks in. I always tell you not to stick your nose into something you’re not involved, but you just can’t stand there watching and doing nothing. Your sympathy and compassion extends to everybody. I can never find somebody who is as passionate as you are, be it with people or with work. You just show love in everything and it is admiring. You are a blessing to everybody. The people you love are the luckiest people in the world.

I will always celebrate that fun side of yours. The love for cartoons, the love for games, the love for humor, for music, love for food, for Shakira. The laughs and smiles for the little things you appreciate. When it is time for fun, it is indeed time for fun. But when the need to be serious and focused arises, you’re always spot on.

You’re flawless in everything that you do. You make it a point that everything is in the right place. That’s how righteous you are. People may not always understand your ways, but keep going, i know you’re on the right track. I believe in every decision you make. You’re full of wisdom. Just keep going. You do you.

Your charms, they work in mysterious ways. Just continue how you are, how you were… Kind, loving, adorable, badass, perfect. There’s something magical about you, ya know. Keep that up. Always remember that you are blessed. Life and love may blow hard on you sometimes but do not give up. It’s always worth a try. Your charms are beyond belief.

I wish you a happy birthday today and I hope the next days treat you kindly. Spend the day with your family and your love. I hope you find peace and joy in every step you take. I want you to be happy. You will always be the best person I’ve met.

You will always be dear to my heart. And i will always be your friend. I will always celebrate your special day and will always celebrate YOU.

Happy birthday. Cheers to your happiness. God will grant the desires of your heart, this I am sure of. Keep on praying, nothing will go wrong. Lots of love.

-L

PS: Read the bolded-underlined words. 🙂

Whenever I think about the things you are willing to do for her, I can’t help but get a little envious. But then, the realization comes straight to my heart; I will never be the one you are willing to spend your life with and you can never be mine. Sadly, the only person I wanted to be with will never look at me the same way I look at him.

Worn out physically, mentally and emotionally. No alcohol, no pill, no soothing voice to help me sleep. Guess I’ll just stay up until the morning and witness the sun rise and sun set when the day ends.

It’s natural for you to miss him, four years is a long time. It’s natural for you to still care for him because you know he needs it the most. It’s natural for you to love him because you’ve seen things about him that others didn’t. It’s natural for you to smile when you think of him because he will always have a special spot in your heart. It’s natural for you to feel sad that things didn’t work out because you’ve had hopes and dreams together. It’s natural for you to feel whatever you are feeling right now because that person made you feel that the whole world was yours and once you were his princess; and the feelings he made you feel were genuine and irreplaceable. It’s natural for you to get stuck in the same ground because you know deep in your heart that the person you are thinking about right now is the person you can never forget.

For the record, wala akong pinagsisihan sa mga nangyari. I am fully aware that I cannot expect nor assume anything when you came back. I was actually glad and relieved. But letting you go this time is so much harder. Still close, yet so far. Alam ko na temporary lang ang lahat pero kahit temporary lang, kahit ilang oras lang pagkakasyahin ko pa din makausap ka lang. I am a fool. I know for sure. And I don’t know how to escape from this madness anymore…. If this is the road to salvation, why is it so hard? I’m dying again. 

What is more heartbreaking than seeing the one you cherish the most fall apart? Worst thing is that you want to invade his personal space but you just can’t… cause he would not allow you… circumstance would not allow you… as much as you want to, you just can’t. The most you can do for him is to pick up the shattered pieces, collect them and keep them; You know those pieces make up his whole being and you don’t want him to disappear, you don’t want him to lose himself.

Why do you do it? Simply because you care for him and you’d rather bleed picking him up than see him vanish bit by bit.