While most people will have significant things under their beds, I have a bottle of vodka, whisky and tequila. Beside me is my mobile phone, earphones, laptop, a syringe, liquid tranquilizers and pills of many kinds. Bottomline, I have two kinds of shots.
I immediately took a shot of tranquilizer this morning. I’m not afraid of needles, that’s for sure. But it is a bit scary to pierce yourself. At first I needed the aid of other people especially when I am shaking worse than a magnitude 9 earthquake. I learned how to do it alone anyway.
So I opened my account this morning and saw this enormous black ribbon posted by my mother. I was like, “What is this?” I had to know what’s that supposed to mean. I looked at the comments and all were saying the same thing, condolences. WHO THE HECK DIED? I did not freak out. Tranquilizer is still in my brain. And I still feel calm which is unusual. I got my shit together. I do not feel any sadness or any pain at the moment. Basically free from any disturbance but I know for sure that I don’t want to go home. I know that when the truth sinks in, I’ll need another shot… Most likely two. And it’s tiring.