I can write about politics. I can write about religion. I can write about food, alcohol, television, ghosts, murder, pets and never run out of idea. I can write about everything else but I always end up writing about you.
Have you ever felt so strange that you really do not know what’s going on inside your head? That even when seeing a number, a certain person pops into your head. I had and I still have. It is something I cannot really explain by words but I will try.
This mess all started when I met this beautiful creature. Like in the movie, you meet someone, you get to know him and your life changes forever. But unlike the movies, you do not get the chance to undo or revisit some events, well maybe yeah, in your mind. Good thing, there is this thing called memories. And these memories will make you smile and cry like nuts. And I am full of memories of him.
It is insane that a certain person can make your life turn a hundred and eighty degrees. Even if you keep your guards up, even if you tell yourself “stop”, or even if you fight the voices inside you, you just can’t compete with the feelings that are swallowing you whole. And the next thing you know, you’re there and you’ve completely lost the battle against that not-so-spontaneous combustion, the thing that can build and destroy you, aka, LOVE. It’s a shame, I raised my white flag when it declared a war on me.
So yeah. I surrendered in my battle against love. There’s no way I am winning. But definitely, there’s no way I am losing.
How could I possibly lose when the person I’ve been fighting for is someone so special that once made me believe in marriage and unconditional love? But i will stop here because this isn’t about me actually. It’s about him… It’s about you. This is all about you.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning once counted the ways on how she loved a certain person. But I am not going to ask “How do I love thee” and answer the same for I, too, loved you in so many ways that you would never imagine. Instead of counting the ways how, let’s count the things I love about you, not the reason why I love you. Because you know I love you because it’s how I feel. Hackneyed old phrase but you know it’s true.
So mysterious, wall so high, what’s behind? You were never easy. Your guards were way up there. And I loved it. The moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you. You never talked so much instead you listened. You listened and shared my world. You listened and learned my ways. You listened and kept my secrets. That’s why you earned my trust which is the fundamental of a relationship. One of the pillars of all the relationships. Everybody needs someone they can trust. I need someone I can trust and heck yeah, found it in you. You are trustworthy. Sharing a life is difficult because you are basically at risk of exposing yourself, but I never felt scared because I know, even if i expose myself to you, you will protect me.
You protect everybody, everything that you love. You are never afraid to get hurt for the sake of the people you love. You’d rather absorb all the pain than see them crying. You’d rather carry the burden and suffer alone. You are the hero that will protect everybody as long as you can even if they don’t see it, even if they don’t acknowledge it. You just do your thing in silence. You have been protecting everybody for too long. I wish I could protect you from this world’s madness too.
You have great gifts but I never heard you brag about anything. It’s funny that you do not actually realize how gifted you are. I have showered you with many compliments but you always deny that they are true. Do I always have to shove my compliments down your throat? Why is it so hard for you to take them? If you just know how good you are, well maybe you do know and you just don’t want to sound cocky or something. I know you will always be humble, but take compliments. You are good in your field, You sing beautifully, you write beautifully, you are beautiful.
You are intelligent in so many ways but moreover, you are full of wisdom. Academically, you rock. Field, you rock. Life, you still got it. You are the most interesting person I have met. You can talk about anything and everything. Pedestrians, sky, aliens, God, business, floor plan, friends, love, family, one word and it can turn into a thousand word essay. What’s cool about you is that you respect the opinion of other people. You may agree or disagree but you never tried to change their minds. You stand by your principles and you let them stand in theirs. Talk about life, you know a lot. I know you have experienced a lot of good and bad and you learned from them. What is good about you is that you just don’t learn, you also act upon it. Spoken wisdom is nothing if you don’t live with it. And you do.
You have the power to make someone believe in the beauty of life and love. I will never deny the fact that before I met you, I do not really believe in marriage. But when you came into my life, I felt so secured, so comfortable, so loved that I actually wanted to wake up, seeing your face first thing in the morning and last at night. You have the power to make someone feel that life is still beautiful despite of all the craps. You had rough times but you managed to overcome all the obstacles that were in your way. You had lonely nights but you still managed to wake up the next morning and live another day. You have been through a lot but you still see a beautiful life and it’s contagious. You are inspiring. Life is beautiful whenever I am with you. You bring joy. You are serious but also funny. You are the prince but with a wacom, a pen and a laptop. You might not have a sword or a horse, but you have the qualities that will make someone fall in love over again. You bring the one you love into a realm and only you can do it.
You are loving. Blessed are the people you love for they will be loved unconditionally. You just give yourself to them. You just give whatever you have without asking for anything in return. I don’t know how you do it but you deserve to be loved unconditionally too. A person like you deserves all the good things, all the happiness for not everybody can offer a love so genuine like yours.
Words just flowed. I feel like if I don’t stop now, I’ll end up spending the whole night writing this blog. I can write a million words or more about you. I really can.
I always tell you that you will never understand unless you step on my shoe. I have been trying to understand myself too. I will not be able to explain what’s happening in my head and in my heart accurately but there is one thing that I do know, loving you was worth it. You are worth it.
Let’s just say that whenever I try to compress everything into a hundred word entry, the more it gets hard for me cause whenever I think about you, I end up thinking about the whole universe. That’s what you mean to me. If you can understand the mystery of the universe, then you will be able to understand why I love you and I still do.