Monday

I was terribly sick last night. After having dinner, I just felt a shock cold all the way to my bones. So I was there, camping under the sheets, two sheets to be specific. I tossed and turned trying to sleep but I can’t. I tried to update my story and my blog but words weren’t coming out. I didn’t want to take pills either. I have taken a lot and I think they’re affecting my brain. I feel light headed all the time. I listened to music and I thought it could help but yeah, I was wide awake just chilling there like as if I was having a seizure.

I binge-watched danisnotonfire’s videos last night and I thought he was hilarious and relatable especially when the videos are about human interaction and being an awful person. I’m an awful person but I don’t chew pencils. I chew people. (Figuratively)

I found myself under the sheet watching many other videos from amazingphil, finebros, buzzfeed, watchcut et al until morning. Seems like I am becoming more and more attached to the Internet. Maybe it’s true that Internet is my life now. Less human interaction, less pain in life.

It’s morning and I have to work. I still feel sick though. Worse, it started raining. :/

So at 8 a.m. I already started preparing for work, still feeling sick. at 8:20, everything is done and ready. I read ten chapters of the book I am currently reading, The Lake House by James Patterson, a good book to read following David Baldacci’s The Hour Game before heading. At 8:50, I started walking to office. I wore a sweater cause honest to god, I feel really cold. Maybe it’s just me.

At 8:58, I arrived at the office and started setting up everything. I didn’t eat breakfast and I have no appetite today, like most days of my life, I have no appetite to keep going. I rested my head on the table for a couple of minutes and sick cried although feeling sick is not the reason for crying. That pain hit me again. I hate these days. 😦

I am in the phase where everything I do just doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel right. Funny thing is I am not the person I used to be. Even my demeanor is foreign to me. Everything is foreign to me. I can’t even memorize three-digit numbers, let alone 10-digits, which, I used to be good at. I speak and sound different now. I can’t even finish a sentence without cracking my voice. Maybe I’ll just stop talking and learn sign language. Shame. I feel like I am in the Dark Ages and it doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense to me now.

9:21 am, currently writing this blog as I am waiting for my food. Sick and sad, listening to Hyun Bin’s That Man and some other songs that are straight up depressing, even upbeat songs sound depressing to me anyways. So it doesn’t really matter.

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