The Things I Wish You Could See

Creepy but there are times I wish that something divine switches our bodies and minds, even for a day, so you could see the way I see you and you could feel the way I feel about you. Maybe by then you will understand why I say the things that I say and believe me and enlighten your confusions about things that seem to be too weird for you.

It’s easier to insult than to give compliments and it is true. I live by that. And i find it puzzling that when you came, I was just so starstruck that I cannot dare say insults about you cause I can’t find any reason to. Compliments are coming out of my mouth like crazy. And whenever you feel confused why people show interest on you, you go to me and ask me about it. And it’s easy for me to explain it to you although a lot of times you will just feel more confused and shrug your shoulders and say “aaaaah” or just laugh it out. I find it adorkable though.

Yes, you are adorkable. Well you know what adorable means. And when I say dork, I don’t mean it like the dork we know, not the derogatory one. A lovable person who’s into intellectual or non-mainstream things instead of ‘trendy’, this is what I mean. You can but you may not object, by the way! This is my perception of you.

You’re amazing and you just need to understand why and sort of carry yourself knowing how amazing everyone else thinks you are. You have a lot about you that makes you an interesting person. Maybe you’re just weirded out by the fact that you have no common ground with other people and they are still coming onto you. Isn’t that a sign that there’s something magical about you?

You’ve always described yourself as boring. It has been five years and you still think of yourself that way. You think that the things you do and you enjoy might not be fun for other people. You think that there’s nothing special about you and that people are just maybe, weirded out or they are wondering why you seem a bit distant and once they get to know a part of you, they will just move on with their lives. And you think those are the normal people and the others who stay are the weird one.

I know while you’re reading this, you will just be like, “parang di naman” and after, you will say, “arte-arte”. Well yeah, just accept the fact na maarte talaga ako pagdating sayo. And nope, lahat ng sinasabi ko may basehan naman. Alangan naman mag imbento lang ako. lol!

Going back, I cannot say na ako na yung pinakanakakakilala sayo but I am confident that I know you enough to describe you. And at times, I do finish your sentences already. So maybe, try to see yourself using my eyes?

There’s nothing boring about you or about what you do. I think you’re one of the most fun person I have met. We’re both introvert but I do not consider us boring. Your mind is a wanderer. Remember that when we were younger we’d spend hours of talking on the phone, everyday? You’re the kind of person who is willing to talk about everything. And I don’t see anything boring with that. Just in case I haven’t told you enough, you are one of the few people who can hold conversations really well. You’re not the kind who will approach a stranger and start talking to him first. But you are the kind that when approached, will talk and actually make sense. Intelligent people can converse really well are fun. Therefore, you are fun.

Your work is fun. You do art. You create art and it’s one of the best things in the world. Being able to imagine things and turn them into something that we actually can see or hear is just amazing to me. You know sometimes we want things that wouldn’t really happen in real life. We have our fantasies. We have our dreams. And sometimes we want to create a world according to our wants, and you, being an artist, have the capacity to do that.

If you commit yourself into something, you really commit yourself to it.

You’re basically married to your work. You spend 80% of your time on it. And even when you’re away, your mind is still in it. And it’s great that you’re happy with your work. I am glad that you enjoy what you do. I think you’re at your best when you’re working. You sometimes feel that you’re being too perfectionist and I understand that. I see you as someone who wants the best result and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think you’re born to become a successful artist and CEO of your own company someday because not everybody will commit themselves to work as much as you do can. I can see you’re striving.

You are very thoughtful about other people. You want to understand why they behave that way and to some, you wonder what is up with their lives. You don’t reach out to them always but in your mind, you give thoughts about them and wish them good life. When something is not working out too well for them, you always listen and you try your best to help them in the way you can. And sometimes, when a situation is unusual, let’s say this person wants to ruin his life and you’ve done everything you can. You suggested, you advised, you tried to talk him out of it but he still insisted in doing dumb things, you feel like you can do so much more or should have done more and you feel a little guilt in you. You want to save people. You always do. I think that’s a special thing.

You value your family the most. You may not post photos of you and your family, or talk about them everyday, or tell them you love them all the time but in good times and in bad times, you’re the one who is always there to stay and do everything for them. Sometimes things get rough and you’re feeling upset and sad but you never left them. I know how hard it is to find peace, you what i am referring to, but I am proud of you for being strong and loving. You will be a good husband and a father someday. We may be joking about you and having your own family, but I am certain that you’ll be awesome.

You are sweet in your way. Although you are morbid at times, I still find it funny and cute. Sabi mo mas morbid, mas close. So yeah. You’re sweet in the simplest words. You are not the flower type of guy but you are full of surprises. You’re a busy person but still, you value relationships and still take time to say hi whenever you can. I think that’s just plain sweet.

It’s easy to trust you. You can ruin me if you want to. You could have done that when I did you wrong. But you did not. It’s easy to share the darkest part of me with you cause you wouldn’t judge or wouldn’t mind flaws. You’re the one person I can trust. And I can be myself around you without worrying. And I think people feel the same way too about you. It’s not easy to show our flaws to people but with you, I wouldn’t mind, not at all.

You may feel stress at times but they just make you strong. You’re stronger than before. There were ups and downs and even though it feels like at some point you’re gonna snap, you just kept going and moving. You never gave up. It’s not easy to be you. I would admit that. The pressure is too high. But I just admire you more for being so calm and showing grace under pressure.

You wish the best for everyone. You might get mad with people. They may do you wrong but you still forgive. You’re too good, you know. You told me once that like me, you are a hateful person too. But I know deep in my heart that you’re not. That the goodness in you defeats the dark sides.

You have a strong faith. You live by what you preach. Even if you feel like life is too hard on you, I think God favors you, in all honesty. You never gave up on Him and he will bless you.

You may appear quiet but your thoughts are crazy. Not many know about your weird thoughts and out of this world questions. And it’s surprising. You will ask if ants poop or why people like you. I mean, what’s not to like about you? 🙂

I’m Upset

I waited and waited and waited although I should not be waiting. I waited for your messages since this noon. I have always waited for your hi to me. I am not bitching. I will be describing the feeling of disappointment whenever I see your messages late.

I get it. I should not expect and should not feel hurt if you’re busy with something and honestly, I am happy for you. I am happy that you’re busy with work. I know you know that already. I understand the situation. I am not even your significant other. I know where I stand. This is a case of an unrequited love. This is a case of an ex who’s stuck on the same ground for three years. And a person who just wants to talk to you for as much as she can.

Nope, this is not supposed to make you feel guilty and nope, there’s no need to tell me that I should move on with my life and stop waiting. Nope, I am not asking for time and nope, I am not trying to make you look bad. You’re not at fault here.

There’s a feeling of loneliness here and you’re the cure. A simple text from you takes it away, you know. And I don’t want you to feel obligated. I am not being clingy and I don’t want you to think that I am being too attached. These are just my feelings. I am not acting on them so don’t let them affect yours!

It makes me feel upset whenever I see it late and I wasn’t able to respond. It’s like getting your birthday present a month after your birthday. That’s how it feels. I don’t want to keep you waiting too.There’s a thrill in getting a message from someone. I feel excited whenever I hear that simple notification tone. There’s joy in receiving something that you are waiting for, at the right time. Being too dramatic? Making it a big deal? Yes, maybe. But there’s a reason for that.

I am thankful that you still keep in touch with me. I appreciate it a lot. I am thankful for sparing me your time; for making me laugh and for taking my loneliness away. I should not expect anything from you, that’s clear to me. But i can’t help but wish that you continue being here. (It’s too selfish and I am not going there!c:) It’s too much, but I treat every single text you send me as the last text I will receive from you. That’s how important they are to me. Who knows what’s going to happen. Will you still talk to me the day after tomorrow? What if you get so fed up with me and you just want to be alone and not talk to me. I can’t predict the future. lol. Might as well talk to you as if it’s the last time we will so I wouldn’t feel any regret in the future and tell myself that “if only i could go back in time then…”.

Don’t feel different about me now that you know how I feel about us keeping in touch. Pretend that you don’t know. Bottomline is, I am really grateful that you’re around.