I’m Upset

I waited and waited and waited although I should not be waiting. I waited for your messages since this noon. I have always waited for your hi to me. I am not bitching. I will be describing the feeling of disappointment whenever I see your messages late.

I get it. I should not expect and should not feel hurt if you’re busy with something and honestly, I am happy for you. I am happy that you’re busy with work. I know you know that already. I understand the situation. I am not even your significant other. I know where I stand. This is a case of an unrequited love. This is a case of an ex who’s stuck on the same ground for three years. And a person who just wants to talk to you for as much as she can.

Nope, this is not supposed to make you feel guilty and nope, there’s no need to tell me that I should move on with my life and stop waiting. Nope, I am not asking for time and nope, I am not trying to make you look bad. You’re not at fault here.

There’s a feeling of loneliness here and you’re the cure. A simple text from you takes it away, you know. And I don’t want you to feel obligated. I am not being clingy and I don’t want you to think that I am being too attached. These are just my feelings. I am not acting on them so don’t let them affect yours!

It makes me feel upset whenever I see it late and I wasn’t able to respond. It’s like getting your birthday present a month after your birthday. That’s how it feels. I don’t want to keep you waiting too.There’s a thrill in getting a message from someone. I feel excited whenever I hear that simple notification tone. There’s joy in receiving something that you are waiting for, at the right time. Being too dramatic? Making it a big deal? Yes, maybe. But there’s a reason for that.

I am thankful that you still keep in touch with me. I appreciate it a lot. I am thankful for sparing me your time; for making me laugh and for taking my loneliness away. I should not expect anything from you, that’s clear to me. But i can’t help but wish that you continue being here. (It’s too selfish and I am not going there!c:) It’s too much, but I treat every single text you send me as the last text I will receive from you. That’s how important they are to me. Who knows what’s going to happen. Will you still talk to me the day after tomorrow? What if you get so fed up with me and you just want to be alone and not talk to me. I can’t predict the future. lol. Might as well talk to you as if it’s the last time we will so I wouldn’t feel any regret in the future and tell myself that “if only i could go back in time then…”.

Don’t feel different about me now that you know how I feel about us keeping in touch. Pretend that you don’t know. Bottomline is, I am really grateful that you’re around.

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