I read a quote that said, “Never fuck with someone who is not afraid to be alone, you will lose every single time” and yes, I lose every single time.
I am not afraid to be alone but when you came into my life, I felt that for once, something inside me has changed. There’s a single person in the entire universe that will have the power over me… There’s someone in the world that I’d choose over and over again, than to be alone.
If you ask me how i’m doing, i’ll say I’m okay… but I’m not happy. I feel empty, still hanging though.
I wish you’re doing well… I hope you’re happy. As long as you’re happy, I’ll be alright.
I always see the date of our anniversary. I miss you as a lover and I miss you as my best friend.
Remember whenever we have issues, we go to each other and tell each other about things that bother us. We always tell each other first about our crazy idea, our observations, the things that annoy us, the things we love. You run to me first and I run to you first, too.
I couldn’t wait to hear your voice at night because I know it would be an interesting night, always an interesting night with you. Days and nights aren’t always perfect, but they’re still beautiful… extra beautiful because of your presence.
I couldn’t wait to show you the poems I made for you… Truth is i would have to rewrite them at least twice because I get embarrassed whenever I show you my crappy handwriting. But once you get past my handwriting, you’ll realize my unending affection for you. Although you would say “arte arte”, or at times they made you cringe or you thought they were cheesy, you still appreciate them.
A lot has happened. I’ve been working day and night, we got three dogs and awaiting for something so surprising. I still wish you were here.
I never liked the idea of being attracted to someone
Can you stop messing with my head for once, I beg you
Deny how I feel for you, it’s the best thing to do
All the times I tried, I failed, can’t seem to forget you
I wouldn’t write this but it is burning in my chest
Want to reach out to you although you are a light year away
But you are at a safe distance and I’m afraid you’d hate me if I do
I lie awake with these thoughts in my head
Can’t believe my damn luck that you do not seem to care
Change the past, wish I could, but I wouldn’t want to
The present is bitter, I could taste it at the back of my throat
Fact is that you’re cold, still I try to be warm around you
That you are not for me, not for me to keep but mine to adore
I’ve lost myself in the process, not at all what I intended
Fallen in the pit of despair, I tried to climb my way up but these feelings keep dragging me down
In and out of my senses, this is as cruel as it can get
Love is a word I didn’t think I’d use today, but here it is now
With all my heart and soul, I’ll tell you all the truth
You are the apple of my eye, the muse I cannot have but the one I am shamelessly willing to chase.
Hello love. I don’t have shower thoughts anymore. I just think about you all the time.
Are you busy as always or may I steal a little of your time? Either way, I am still going to write you a letter.
Have you looked in the mirror recently and noticed how time passed by so quickly? I had. Seven years ago, I stumbled into you and I was just completely blown away. I was 19 then. I had this biggest crush on you.
I would wait for your messages. I would stay awake just to be able to talk to you again. You had a girlfriend back then but I didn’t intend to steal you from her. I just really really liked you. So I did not do anything to ruin your relationship with her. We talked, got to know each other and we just hit it off.
A year after… you and I, we felt something special. It felt so right. Then one thing led to another. You were free then, so was I.
One day, I woke up feeling different about you. I knew, I had fallen hard for you.
I loved you, as hard, as much as I can. I wanted to make you happy because seeing you happy gives me joy. I wanted to be your comfort zone. I wanted to share my deepest thoughts, darkest secrets with you and I did. You embraced the psycho me. And I loved the dorky you.
At times you will underestimate yourself and I would always say you’re more than that. I believed in you, in everything you do. How I wish you’d realize how much I admire you and how great you are to me, and to others. I miss those times, love. I miss the times when I could just be there for you, to listen and talk to you.
I miss you terribly that it’s hard to breathe.
I am neither mad nor disappointed at you to begin with. I am just sad that you are not here, that you did not want to continue your journey with me… We both know that we had an undeniable chemistry, but some good things may never last.
I did not want to believe that you left for good. I denied it for a month, for two months, for two months and 3 weeks. I convinced myself that you’re still coming back: that one midnight, my phone will just ring, i’ll answer it even if it’s an unregistered number and I’ll hear your breath, and know that it’s you and I will say hi and talk to you as if you didn’t leave, as if we spoke the night before. I created that scenario in my head and just thinking of it makes me happy.
But months passed by and you are not still coming back. Why? You’re leaving for good love? Because if you really are, it’s depressing.
7 years ago, you came crashing and swept me off of my feet. I heard your voice, your laugh and everything about you left me breathless. I remember you fondly. And it hurts that you chose to be a memory rather than a reality. Even typing this hurts me…. There’s a burning sensation in my chest and no medicine can cure it. There are no words to explain how I feel right now.