Protected: Confessions Part 1

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From a Person Who Will Always Hate Politics

I am not a politician. I am not a political analyst. My profession is not associated with anything that concerns politics. I am simply a citizen who has the right of suffrage, and by suffrage I mean “the right to vote using my own will, free from the influence of authority, and my absolute freedom to choose.”

Couple of days from now, the Filipino community will again exercise their right to choose the future leaders of the country. The campaigns have been a disaster for me, personally. The tune of the jingles of the politicians serve as my alarm clock every morning. The countless advertisements posted in every corner of the streets are my view on my way to the office. The paid advertisements on the televisions, the drama of every politician trying to persuade the Filipino community to vote for them have been in every commercial in the local networks. I have to understand that it is the campaign period, they are allowed to do the above mentioned, and I have no choice but to endure what’s happening. It will end soon, I told myself.

This will be an exciting year now that we have an easy access to news and current events be it via TV or social media where everyone can speak their mind. The interaction is one click away. Raising our opinion has never been this easy. I was happy that even the teenagers are showing interest and the whole world can hear our voices. I was excited… I was happy… I “was”.

I used to read news. I used to be updated with current events. I used to read blogs. I used to log in to Facebook to read the opinions of my friends about the aspiring leaders of the country. I used to see the election as a door to a “better Philippines”. I used to like the fact that we have easy access to media but now that this campaign period has become by far the worst campaign period I have experienced my entire life, the things that I used to do, my enthusiasm to be a part of the change, have faded.

We are looking for a future leader yet the candidates have been dragging one another’s names to the pits of hell. The closer the election day, the dirtier their tactics, the dirtier their mouths, the dirtier they get. Instead of builidng their platforms, instead of presenting a plan for the better Philippines, they present controversies and what not, against their co-candidates. One candidate rises and the rest will pull him down. Another candidate tops the survey and the rest counter by throwing stones against him; acting holier-than-thou, exerting the best effort in ruining the names of their opponents rather than investing more time in reviewing what this country really needs and creating the best platform to win the votes of the Filipino community. What this country needs is a leader, not a celebrity. Yes this is a serious matter and should be taken seriously. But how would I take this seriously if the candidates are presented in the worst way possible? Media fallacies, circus reports, bias news, where is the road to the truth? We are in the era where everything is being manipulated.

As for me, my method for choosing a leader has changed. I will not vote for the one who is the most deserving, but for the one who has the least baggage, the one who is the least evil of them all. It has become an elimination method. Ranking from the worst, not the best.

Just when i thought that the presidential candidates are the biggest jokes in the upcoming elections, it has come to me just recently that the Filipino voters have become the real disasters. I used to like the fact that they are taking part in the elections. We have the right to support whoever we want to, whoever we think is the most fit for the presidency. I used to like the power of the social media where we can express our thoughts, our views, our opinions. I used to like the freedom of speech bestowed upon us. The term is I used to.

Now that the people have seem to have misunderstood the real essence of freedom of speech or the term democracy itself, I am slowly developing fear for the future of our country. Where people can easily say whatever they want to say, however they want to say, whenever they want to say it, has come to place, the idea of “your rights end when the rights of other people begin” must have been forgotten. The use of the freedom of speech has been leading to what we call keyboard wars.

We have the right to support whoever we want to support. We have the right to campaign for whoever, paid or for free. But we have no right to judge people by their choices, nor have the right to curse people or wish ill towards their significant others. We have no right to attack other people, be it verbally or God forbid, physically, just because they do not share in our beliefs. We have no right to tell people what to do, or act superior for we all have the same EQUAL RIGHTS. We are wired to think, we are wired to act in our own discretion RESPONSIBLY, MORALLY, JUSTLY.

We may be divided by our choices but should we really fight one another? We are divided by our choices but should we really isolate those who chose a different candidate to support and call them stupid or retarded? Is it really that impossible to show support without shaming other people? Do we need really need to hurt our fellowmen and prey on them? Then if we cannot learn how to respect other people and their beliefs, we can never achieve a peaceful country. The new government has yet to start but we are already divided.

What have we become? Are we really the intelligent voters we describe ourselves to be? Is this how we show our support to the leader of our choice? There is too much bashing, too much derogatory remarks and too much bullying circulating in social media and i have reached my tolerance for this stupid shit. And I have come to the conclusion that it is easier to absorb things and become a pseudo political analyst/expert than to exercise Good Manners and Right Conduct. Yes, we are thinking community and it is apparent, we fight to what we think is right, but we lack compassion and respect to other people. If we all act this way, then maybe we should all be sent back to school to learn proper manners.

We need the government but the government cannot stand without the people. And to have a strong country, we need to act as one community regardless of who supported who. We share the same country and ultimately, we only want the same thing, a safe haven for the Filipino community. They say change is coming, I say regardless of who wins, changes will come. May God preserve this country, and as a member of the Filipino community, let the change begin with me.

The Day I Stopped Loving Myself

And I have changed for the better, not for the worse.

The day I stopped loving myself was also the day I realized that there is more to loving than one can imagine.

I stopped loving myself but I started loving another

Call me a fool, but that was the same day I truly loved somebody.

Have you asked yourself if you’re giving enough love?

Have you ever spent a night thinking if somebody you care for is asleep and having sweet dreams?

Have you ever spent the night watching somebody sleep, looking after him, to make sure he is fine?

No matter how late is it, not matter how sleepy you are, you just lay there, protecting him from the darkness of the night.

If you have ever put somebody else’s needs and convenience over yours, then I must say, you have truly loved someone.

I stopped loving myself and started loving him,

And it’s the realest thing I have felt my entire life.

To give so much thought about someone who isn’t your blood and flesh,

To care for someone more than you love yourself.

I stopped loving myself and started loving him,

It’s the one thing I have done right in my life

To make him feel less lonely, to make him feel he is loved

To make him feel he is wanted, to make him feel he is needed.

I, myself, am living in the world of loneliness

And I, myself, am longing for love.

The day I stopped loving myself and started loving him

Is the day I stopped longing for love and started giving.

And I loved him truly, I can say, for I’d pray for his happiness

Not giving so much thought about mine for it is not needed

The day I stopped loving myself and I started loving him taught me one reality

That you will find joy and contentment when you give more than when you receive.

The day I stopped loving myself and started loving him helped me find what is missing

To love another person and share my heart with without too much asking

To be there for him, listen to him, cry and smile with him,

There I found myself whole and happy and most real.


The Pain That Goes All The Way To The Bones

To forget you or remember you,

Either way is bittersweet.

To be with you is heaven

To be without you is hell.

You left and came back in the most unexpected time

My heart raced in gladness but my mind remembered a little sadness

Will you stay for good or flee when you should?

Should you leave soon, will you say farewell to me or disappear for good?

I felt your warmth, the kind that goes deep within the soul

Your lips pressed into mine, I taste the sweetness of love

I wrapped my arms around you never wanting to let go

Tell me how could I do it when you’re everything I wanted, there’s nothing more.

I am staring into darkness, clueless of what to feel.

I waited until morning… until evening… awake and my heart pounding.

Is this it? Is it the end of the line?

Are those days over?

The days when you’re temporarily mine.

I have no right to demand and I can only wait

As much as I want to, I can never be with you

Your heart belongs to someone else and my heart belongs to only you

Must be a bad case of loving, I am sorry, there’s not much I can do.

Will you be mad if i get envious or jealous?

I have known for a fact that I can never be attached.

But why do I keep falling, my heart must have never learned.

To unlove you, this must be the hardest thing to do.

The fear is too much to bear

My whole being is completely in despair

When the day comes when you have to finally leave,

I will cry a river, I’ll drown in tears, will be way too deep.

You say I should not cry when you’re gone

But how could I not when you take the biggest space in my heart?

You say I should not wait for you because you do not know how long will you be staying

But that uncertainty lights a little hope, that a part of you still wants to be with me.

You love her, and I love you.

How I wish it’s me who you are in love with.

She doesn’t know that I exist, she is not aware of my presence.

But I do know that she does, and it’s hurting me.

To picture you and her is as painful as injecting poison into my heart.

I am here, still waiting for you day and night

Not knowing if you’re gonna come back, but just in case, I will leave the door on the latch.

Emotions rising, feelings wasted, with nobody who will be there to save me.

To be in love with someone whose heart belongs to someone else is unbearable

It’s the kind of pain that goes all the way to the bones

It’s easy to say to just let him go.

It’s easy to say to find a man who’s willing to give me his heart and soul, a man of my own.

It’s a feeling one would never understand

It’s something the mind could not comprehend

There are no words that could make me feel better and take the pain away

Except for the words, “I love you” from the man who owns my heart, the man who always will.

A few stolen moments but memories that will last forever

How I wish I am the one you are spending your time with

How I wish it’s you and me who are making the moments of our lives

But this is just wishful thinking because you are not… and will never be mine.

I know how it feels to be the second best

The one you remember when she’s not around

The one you will spend your night with when you feel lonely and messy

but not the one you will wake up with and say good morning.

These are the words I couldn’t say to you

Because the moments are perfect, and I don’t want to make things more complex

I just want to make you happy when you’re around

I just want to feel that the world is ours even if it will never last, even if it’s just inside my head.

But I do love you and that’s all that matters to me

Even if you wouldn’t stay long, that’s okay, I wouldn’t mind

My door is open, my heart is willing

My soul is accepting, come closer to me

Everything’s gonna be alright, I promise.

Spend the night with me, I am not asking for eternity.

For I would take a minute with you than a lifetime with somebody else

Do not worry, It’s gonna be fine…

It’s enough that you love me today…

And I will still love you even if you’re not here tomorrow.

Living Your Sweetest Dreams

While you are in deep slumber, I am in deep thought.

What are you dreaming about?

I am awake but I am day dreaming about being with you

Are you dreaming about me too?

Are you dreaming about us walking hand in hand?

Because I am dreaming about you holding my hand on the streets 

And I, glancing, eyes glued on your face.

And I would ask you to walk beside me

By then, I’d feel so much security.

We will both look up at the sky and adore how blue it is

And you will look me in the eye and tell me how beautiful am I in your eyes.

And I’ll return the compliment by saying

There’s never a day so blue whenever I am with you.

We will savor each moment

Even silence with you is gold.

No need to say another word, no need to do another deed

Just a day with you by my side is more than enough.

You never told me that you’re in love with me

And I have never asked myself if I am in love with you

All I have to know is how much you love being around me

And I will never fail to tell you how much I love being with you.

Feelings are fleeting, thoughts appearing

Why should I overthink about the future when the present is screaming?

Live by the moment for there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will come.

But there’s a guarantee that the present can be lived.

Dreams do not always last, so are feelings.

I cannot guarantee I’d still feel the same about you tomorrow

But I am certain that what I am feeling about you today is not just a part of your sweet dreams.

Dare I Say

Who’s to say you’re this, not that?

There’s more that meets the eye

To know him is to see what heaven on earth, dare I say, must be like.

Have you ever felt freedom around somebody? I had.

He stripped the realest me without judgment.

He embraced all the good and bad and stayed.

To have him is to be free, to be with him is to understand what love is.

He is not perfect and so am I

But he is genuine and the sincerity of his voice says it all

He had me at hello

But I fell for him with his laughs and cries.

He cried for me, he cried for them

What guy will cry on behalf of other people?

A guy who has a heart for other, a guy who is a representation of what what a man should be.

And that guy is the man of my dreams, that guy was my man.

Fate is to find him but happiness is to be with him.

In this dark world, he shed some light.

He puts the stars back in the sky

He puts the sparkles back in dull eyes.

To be loved by him is to find happiness

Knowing your heart is taken care of

He will look after you like a brother

Protect you like a father

And love you platonically and romantically like you’re the most wonderful human in the world.

You see, I adore him this much

And honestly, I don’t even like being with people

But he is far different from everybody, certainly

If I learned to trust him, then there’s something special about him.

Love is a word but more that that it’s an act.

And he will show you how to love you in ways you wouldn’t imagine

He will tease you, scold you, lecture you

But will hug and kiss you and you will feel it.

You will feel how much he cares for you like nobody else would.

He will be silly sometimes, he will be angry

But he will laugh at your craziest jokes and make up with you as if nothing happened

He doesn’t resent and remember

He just moves forward and takes you with him

Always a fresh start, always a good start.

He forgives and forgets the bad things

For he does not dwell on what is hurtful

He will hope and wish for the best, for you, for him and for the both of you

He will do everything to nurture whatever is going on between you and him.

He has his ways, you have yours.

But he does not mind differences

For love is sharing, love is compromising, love is understanding.

I found love when I met him.